IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Topic: Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, believe that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#topic #people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
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In recent years, the debate over enhancing public
health
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 has intensified.
While
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 some advocate for increasing
sports
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facilities
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 as the primary solution, others argue that
this
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 approach is insufficient and that alternative measures are necessary.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and present my opinion. Proponents of expanding
sports
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facilities
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 believe that increased access to
such
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 amenities encourages physical
activity
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, essential for maintaining good
health
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. They argue that providing more exercise opportunities,
such
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 as parks with jogging tracks and gyms, will motivate individuals to lead an active lifestyle, reducing lifestyle-related diseases like obesity and heart disease.
Additionally
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, these
facilities
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 can foster social interactions and enhance community well-being.
However
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, critics argue that merely increasing
sports
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facilities
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 is not a panacea for public
health
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 issues. They highlight that multiple factors contribute to
health
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 problems and that a multifaceted approach is needed.
For instance
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, dietary habits are crucial; even with
sports
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facilities
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, unhealthy eating can negate the benefits of physical
activity
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.
Therefore
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, nutrition education should be prioritized alongside
sports
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 infrastructure development.
Moreover
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, mental
health
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 is another critical aspect. Stress, anxiety, and depression significantly impact physical
health
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, and
while
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 physical
activity
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 can alleviate some symptoms, mental
health
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 services are indispensable. Access to
counseling
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counselling
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 and mental
health
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 awareness campaigns can complement physical
health
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 initiatives. In conclusion,
while
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 increasing
sports
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facilities
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 is valuable for promoting physical
activity
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, it should not be the sole focus. A balanced approach that includes nutrition education and mental
health
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 services is essential for achieving long-term
health
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 benefits. Governments should adopt comprehensive strategies to address various
health
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 determinants to create a healthier society.
Submitted by maneetgiri1 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, which aids in understanding the overall argument.
task achievement
The ideas presented are comprehensive and address both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and logically developed, which makes the argument compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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