Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is no doubt that these days country's security is a vital
matters
Change the noun form
matter

The subject or subject complement of the sentence (matters) does not appear to agree with the verb is. Consider changing the noun form.

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to many governments around the world.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction While. Consider removing the comma.

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there are certain individuals
argue
Correct pronoun usage
who argue

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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that their private
information
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should not be available to the
government
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

without their permission. Others, including
myself
Add the comma(s)
myself,

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter including myself. Consider adding the comma(s).

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believe that the
government
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have the right to access mobile
phone
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

calls
Correct subject-verb agreement
call

It seems that the verb calls does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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records and messages to ensure that
Correct article usage
the scurity
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Correct article usage
the scurity

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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scurity
Correct your spelling
security
and safety of the country are in control. Some people,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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oppos
Correct your spelling
oppose

The word oppos doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

idea,
giving
Wrong verb form
give

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb giving. Consider changing it.

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Add an article
a reason
the reason
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Add an article
a reason
the reason

The noun phrase reason seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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why they are
aginst
Correct your spelling
against

The word aginst doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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collecting personal
information
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

without permission.
government
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

syber
Correct your spelling
cyber

If you don’t want syber to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

security
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems

It seems that system may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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face hacking
attakes
Correct your spelling
attacks

If you don’t want attakes to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

from other countries.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a lot of individuals prefer to keep their privacy safe.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in my opinion, there are several reasons to support
government
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

decsions
Correct your spelling
decisions
decision

If you don’t want decsions to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

regarding my
country
Change noun form
country's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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safety.
Firts
Correct your spelling
First

If you don’t want Firts to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
teriorist
Correct your spelling
terrorist

If you don’t want teriorist to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

attacks have been
happining
Correct your spelling
happening

If you don’t want happining to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

in numerous parts of the world. One clear example is the
terorist
Correct your spelling
terrorist

If you don’t want terorist to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

attack that happened in Russia
last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

year
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker when. Consider removing the comma.

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when
terioris
Correct your spelling
terrorists

If you don’t want terioris to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

entred
Correct your spelling
entered

The word entred doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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a
theater
Change the spelling
theatre

The spelling of theater is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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and killed more than 100
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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Russian citizens. They connected via
phone
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

messages to plan an attack.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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scurity
Correct your spelling
security

If you don’t want scurity to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

system was monitoring the mobile messages, there was not an attack.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
skaming
Correct your spelling
skimming

If you don’t want skaming to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

orgnizations
Correct your spelling
organisations

If you don’t want orgnizations to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

are targeting people's bank accounts to steal money from them by
deciving
Correct your spelling
deceiving
receiving

If you don’t want deciving to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

phone
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

calls, in a process called social engineering. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

some individuals choose to keep their personal
information
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

private, I believe that
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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should have access to people's mobile
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones

It seems that phone may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and other
devices
Change noun form
devices'
device's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

show examples
information
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
prefent
Correct your spelling
prevent

If you don’t want prefent to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

any harm that may
happens
Change the verb form
happen

The verb happens after the modal verb may does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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to the safety and security of our nation.

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grammar
Try to avoid small grammatical errors and typographical mistakes. For example, 'oppos' should be 'oppose', 'agianst' should be 'against', 'decsions' should be 'decisions'.
vocabulary
Work on improving your vocabulary and spelling accuracy. Words like 'terorist', 'secutiry', and 'skaming' affect the readability of your essay.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph is coherent and logically connected. Although the essay flows well, some sentences need more coherence for clarity.
task achievement
You have clearly stated both views on the topic, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
relevant specific examples
The examples you provided, such as the terrorist attack in Russia, are relevant and support your argument effectively.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are present and contribute to the essay's overall structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance
  • Civil liberties
  • Oversight
  • Intrusion
  • National security
  • Counterterrorism
  • Wiretapping
  • Data encryption
  • Privacy rights
  • Authorized access
  • Judicial oversight
  • Illegal monitoring
  • Telecommunication data
  • Personal communications
  • Unwarranted intrusion
  • Transparency
  • Accountability
  • Civilian oversight
What to do next:
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