Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is frequently believed that retirement is considered to be freedom for some
people
, However
, some argue that getting old is terrible, while
others say that life for old people
is way more comfortable these days compared to previous years. In this
essay, I'm going to discuss both arguments and give my point of view.
Initialy
, healthcare in Correct your spelling
Initially
old
days wasn'Correct article usage
the old
t
that
developed as nowadays, Correct word choice
as
therefore
some people
think that elderly
won'Correct article usage
the elderly
t
have the improved vaccines and medicines for possible diseases and will die from suffer
, to illustrate, in recent decades Replace the word
suffering
elderly
don'Correct article usage
the elderly
t
have the
excellent healthcare and therapy to survive, Correct article usage
apply
this
illustrates why life expectancy was young compared to thesedays
, so that's why some Correct your spelling
these days
people
are nervous to be old and think diseases don't
have therapy or medicine for it due to
the significant improvement in health and efficient doctors.
Furthermore
, this
doesn't
mean that every illness have
Change the verb form
has
a
medicine for it, Correct article usage
apply
large
number of illnesses are still not Add an article
a large
therable
, Correct your spelling
there
this
illustrates that elderly people
have a possible percentage of being diagnosed with diseases that don't
have the therapy or vaccine, the main reason that supports this
claim are
some of those who are diagnosed with cancer or had a blood clot,Change the verb form
is
Nonetheless
, doctors and health scientists are still trying to find a solution for these illnesses.
In conclusion, I believe that elderly
period is not a happy timeCorrect article usage
the elderly
,
because everything in Remove the comma
apply
you're
body is going to get weaker, Replace the word
your
such
as skeletal
, digestive and nervous systems.Correct article usage
the skeletal
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task response
Clarify your position more explicitly in the introduction and conclusion. It should be clear what your stance is exactly from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your paragraph structure. Make sure each paragraph introduces a single main idea and develops it fully with supporting details.
coherence and cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas and paragraphs with linking words and phrases to ensure a more seamless flow of arguments.
language use
Provide more precise and varied vocabulary to better express your ideas. Also ensure that your grammar is precise, especially with subject-verb agreement and verb tenses.
task response
The essay attempts to address both views on the topic, showing an effort to provide a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the essay.
content
Some good points are made about healthcare improvements and the persistence of certain illnesses.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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