IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that public celebrations like national days and festivals are a waste of money. They are of the opinion that people should spend money on more important things. Do you agree or disagree? Support your arguments with examples from your own experience.

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Public
celebration
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
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 are the unique symbols of every culture.
However
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, there is always debate open whether they are wasting
of
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apply
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time or not. I utterly disagree, and I believe these types of
celebration
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celebrations
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 are essential. In the rest of
this
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 essay, I will talk about their vital role in our social lives and in the tourism industry.
Firstly
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, sociality is one of
human
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the human
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 characteristics, which is
also
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 really necessary for our mental health.
For example
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, our ancestors used to gather together for every celebration and some of them even used to live in a large amount. But, unfortunately,
due to
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 modern life nowadays we prefer living alone. In person, I can visit my relatives only on holidays.
While
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 technology damages our social life, festivals revive it
,
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apply
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 and assemble people around.
Thus
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, festivals have an undeniable impact on our lives.
Secondly
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, the tourism industry
in
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is
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 one of the important sources of a country’s income.
For instance
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, China and India catch
attention
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the attention
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for
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of
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 their national carnivals and make a lot of
money
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 annually
by
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through
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 their celebrations.
Hence
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, it makes it clear,
not
Correct word choice
that not
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 only these celebrations do not waste
money
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, but
also
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, they are
a
Rephrase
also a
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way of making
money
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 for their country. In summary, national celebrations are important through recovering our social lives and making
money
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 by its attractions.
Therefore
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, contrary to the common belief, they are fundamental parts of our culture and daily life. Every government should pay more attention and spend more
money
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 on national holidays, which would have benefits for them.

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language
Try to diversify your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and fluent.
task response
Expand on your examples to make your arguments more convincing. For instance, you can mention specific festivals and their impacts on social life and economy.
coherence
Work on improving the flow of your ideas by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This can make the text more coherent and easier to follow.
organization
You've structured the essay well with clear paragraphs focusing on distinct points.
organization
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task response
You have addressed the task effectively by discussing both social and economic benefits of public celebrations.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public celebrations,
  • Foster,
  • National identity,
  • Societal bonds,
  • Cultural heritage,
  • Economic stimulus,
  • Tourism,
  • Revenue,
  • Seasonal employment,
  • Educational opportunities,
  • Tradition,
  • Mental health,
  • Well-being,
  • Misallocation of resources,
  • Public services,
  • Inclusivity,
  • Environmental impact,
  • Littering,
  • Pollution,
  • Carbon footprint,
  • Cost-effective,
  • Community-driven
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