IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that fast food restaurants have advantages other believe otherwise what is your opinion and why

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, junk food is taking the place of standard one. I hold the view that
this
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 trend has a negative impact on communities and families because many individuals have become cravers for
this
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 type of
meals
Fix the agreement mistake
meal
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, and
this
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 puts a burden on families and affects their health. In the following paragraphs, my point of view will be
further
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 discussed.
To begin
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 with, some economists believe that
this
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 phenomenon has a harmful effect on individuals, and they could spend a huge amount of their budget on restaurants’ food. To illustrate, when people do not have meals at home and they prefer to eat ready-made ones, they will spend their income on
such
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dishes
Use synonyms
.
Accordingly
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,
this
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 could cause a lot of problems related to their financial estates.
For example
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, a survey conducted by the New York magazine revealed that individuals nowadays consume about half of their salaries on conventional food. What can be said is that fast meals negatively affect people’s lives, and they must adjust their habits to become financially stable. 
Furthermore
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, it can be witnessed that
this
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 kind of behaviour has many harmful effects on health and many serious diseases can result from it.
In other words
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, if people replace their healthy homemade recipes with products that are full of fat, calories, and salt,
this
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 could result in many health-related issues. A prime example of
that is
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 an article published by the Health World Organization that revealed that obesity, hypertension, and diabetes are closely related to fast
dishes
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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,
this
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 kind of
Use synonyms
dishes
Fix the agreement mistake
dish
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 not only affects people's economies but
also
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 could lead to a dangerous influence on their well-being. In conclusion,
after
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this
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 essay has manifested the above-mentioned point, it can be reiterated that fast
dishes
Use synonyms
 have a tremendous impact on people’s lives in many aspects. I am convinced that it is the reason behind many issues and it must be changed with beneficial nutrients.

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introduction
The essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement that explicitly outlines the main arguments. While the introduction is engaging, it can be refined for more precision. Consider stating clearly that the essay will discuss financial and health impacts.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all ideas within the paragraph are aligned to support this topic. The paragraphs are largely cohesive but could be improved by more explicit linking sentences and phrases that guide the reader through your argument.
task response
The essay discusses relevant points but can be further strengthened with more specific data or examples. The financial burden and health impacts are well noted, yet incorporating additional studies or statistics could bolster the argument in favor of your opinion.
introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay and the conclusion nicely ties all the points together, reinforcing the argument against fast food.
logical structure
The ideas are well-organized and flow logically from one to the next, ensuring the reader can easily follow your argument.
language usage
The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which enhances readability and engagement. Good use of examples and references to authoritative sources provides a solid backing for your arguments.
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