The pie chart shows how dance classes are positioned in Australian town while the bar chart compares various kinds of dance classes which are being attended by young people.

The pie chart shows how dance classes are positioned in Australian town while the bar chart compares various kinds of dance classes which are being attended by young people.
Overall
, it can be seen that private
studios
are dominant in having
dance
classes
.
Whereas
ballet has become dominant among children under 11,
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
way of dancing has more
members
whose ages are between 11 and 16 years old. It is clear from the pie chart that almost half of
dance
classes
are located in Private
studios
and private
studios
have the preponderance which accounts for almost half(48%) of all
dance
classes
. School halls contribute
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
nearly one-fourth(24
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
) of
portion
Add an article
a portion
the portion
show examples
of
dance
classes
. Community halls have 18
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of all
dance
classes
while
less contribution is made by college-based
studios
with 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
According to
the bar chart below, most of
ballet
Add an article
the ballet
show examples
class
members
are children under 11 with 600
members
but when it comes to older
members
, the numbers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dwindled to about 300. To compare, the majority of young people (over 500) are choosing modern
dance
classes
while
the number of
members
under 11 is 300. There is a more balanced number of attendants in tap
dance
classes
with approximately 450 for each category.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words studios, dance, classes, members with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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