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Writing Samples /
Band 5

You saw a brochure for a one-week walking tour in the mountains. You're very interested in taking part, but you're not very fit and are worried you wouldn't be able to keep up. Write to the tour operator. In your letter: • Explain why you're interested in the tour. • Ask for information about dates and prices. • Express your concerns about your fitness level. You do not need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows:

#brochure #tour #mountains #re #part #wouldn #operator #information #dates #prices #concerns #fitness #level #addresses
Dear Manager, I hope you are great
healthy
Correct word choice
and healthy
show examples
. I am writing
this
 letter to inform you that I have seen your brochure about
tour
Fix the agreement mistake
tours
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 to mounthains, I think that can make me
intrast
Correct your spelling
interested
to join
Change preposition
in joining
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, but my feel is not fit.
To begin
 with,
I m
Correct your spelling
I'm
intrestid
Correct your spelling
interested
 in your
brouchure
Correct your spelling
brochure
 duo to things about
trip
Add an article
a trip
the trip
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 to
Add an article
the mountain
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mountain
Fix the agreement mistake
mountains
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. As we know,
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 to
Correct article usage
the mountain
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mountain
Fix the agreement mistake
mountains
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 or hills are hobby of many people
include
Change the form of the verb
including
show examples
 me,
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 many things that we can learn when we triv, like we can see the natural environment and
this
 body
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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healtyh
Correct your spelling
healthy
health
.
In addition
 please tell me about
time
Correct article usage
the time
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 to arrive, like the dates, and the prices. Perhaps you can explain when the date to
availible
Correct your spelling
available
 and how much the prices. As I said before, I worried that I
a
Add a missing verb
am a
show examples
fraid
Correct your spelling
afraid
 for not can join
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 my body is not fit. Thank you for your attention,
I m
Correct your spelling
I'm
 looking forward to you soon. SAPARWADI.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the accuracy of sentence structure and grammar to make your writing clearer.
greeting and closing
Make sure that your introduction and closing are more clearly defined.
task achievement
You have addressed all the required points in your letter.
suitable writing tone
Your tone is polite and suitable for the context.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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