Many young people now know more about international pop and movie stars than famous people in the history of their countries. What are the causes? Give solutions to increase the number of people to know about famous people in history.

Nowadays, a lot of young
people
have a better
knowledge
related to international actors or actresses rather than the famous individuals from their countries'
history
. In my opinion,
it is clear that
this
phenomenon has continually happened because
of
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for
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myriads reason
Fix the agreement mistake
myriad reasons
show examples
, but two main factors would be the advancement of technology and lack of patriotism
feeling
Verb problem
apply
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among youngsters.
In addition
, two ways that can be used to overcome
this
problem are adding the number of hours of
history related
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history-related
show examples
subjects in school,
as well as
utilizing mass media
such
as TV to make a trivia program regarding
history
Add an article
the history
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of their
country
, which will be
further
elaborate on the following paragraphs. The advancement of technology that
has
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happened several decades ago has influenced our younger generations as a high-tech-literate individual.
For example
, many young generations have a great capability of using handphones, laptops, and
also
the
internet
. The
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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of
things
Capitalize word
Things
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has played a significant role to them, particularly
for
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in
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knowing what happens overseas,
such
as knowing the
new comer
Correct your spelling
newcomer
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actresses or actors, their achievements in the entertainment industry, and even their gossip or private lives.
This
phenomenon has happened because the
internet
can bring
real time
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real-time
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news to other countries,
and
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apply
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particularly young individuals.
In addition
, research has shown that
generally
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generally,
show examples
youngsters have a lack of patriotism. Particularly in Indonesia, they do not even know who is the founding father of the
country
, and many cannot mention the five principles of the
country
. To overcome
this
matter, I strongly believe that adding
the
Correct article usage
a
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portion of
history related
Add a hyphen
history-related
show examples
subjects in school could work well. Knowing the roots of the
country
, the origin, and what has happened in the past could retain the negative impact of technology
such
as the
internet
,
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apply
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so that young
people
have a great balance of
knowledge
between the
history
of the
country
, and what is happening right now around the globe.
Additionally
, the government could
also
regulate some rules regarding television programs.
For instance
, each
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
station should have a program related to the
history
of the
country
every week, not just at a certain time
such
as
independence day
Correct your spelling
Independence Day
show examples
. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adding
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
portion of
history related
Add a hyphen
history-related
show examples
subjects in school and giving the young generations additional information from television programs could tackle the phenomena related to young
people
's
knowledge
about famous
people
from their
country
's
history
, and balancing the
knowledge
to know what is happening around the world today.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain a logical flow in your arguments. For example, instead of jumping from one idea to another, try to create a smooth transition between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Enhance your essay with more specific and diverse examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Try to expand on your points with more depth. This can involve discussing potential counterarguments or further elaborating on how the solutions can be implemented.
introduction conclusion present
You've clearly stated your opinion in the introduction and provided an overview of the causes and solutions.
logical structure
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and easy to follow. The use of specific terms such as 'advancement of technology' and 'lack of patriotism' helps to clarify your main points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

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  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

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  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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