Many young people now know more about international pop and movie stars than famous people in the history of their countries. What are the causes? Give solutions to increase the number of people to know about famous people in history.

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Nowadays, a lot of young
people
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have a better
knowledge
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related to international actors or actresses rather than the famous individuals from their countries'
history
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. In my opinion,
it is clear that
Linking Words

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this
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phenomenon has continually happened because
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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myriads reason
Fix the agreement mistake
myriad reasons

It seems that myriads reason may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, but two main factors would be the advancement of technology and lack of patriotism
feeling
Verb problem
apply

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among youngsters.
In addition
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, two ways that can be used to overcome
this
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problem are adding the number of hours of
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

history related
Add a hyphen
history-related

It seems that history related is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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subjects in school,
as well as
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utilizing mass media
such
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as TV to make a trivia program regarding
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

history
Add an article
the history

The noun phrase history seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of their
country
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, which will be
further
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elaborate on the following paragraphs. The advancement of technology that
has
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb has appears to be unnecessary here.

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happened several decades ago has influenced our younger generations as a high-tech-literate individual.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many young generations have a great capability of using handphones, laptops, and
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the
internet
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. The
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

internet
Capitalize word
Internet

The word internet should be capitalized in this context.

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of
things
Capitalize word
Things

The word things should be capitalized in this context.

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has played a significant role to them, particularly
for
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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knowing what happens overseas,
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as knowing the
new comer
Correct your spelling
newcomer

The word new comer seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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actresses or actors, their achievements in the entertainment industry, and even their gossip or private lives.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

phenomenon has happened because the
internet
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can bring
real time
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real-time

It seems that real time is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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news to other countries,
and
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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particularly young individuals.
In addition
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, research has shown that
generally
Add a comma
generally,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase generally. Consider adding a comma.

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youngsters have a lack of patriotism. Particularly in Indonesia, they do not even know who is the founding father of the
country
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, and many cannot mention the five principles of the
country
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. To overcome
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

matter, I strongly believe that adding
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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portion of
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

history related
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history-related

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subjects in school could work well. Knowing the roots of the
country
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, the origin, and what has happened in the past could retain the negative impact of technology
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as the
internet
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker so that. Consider removing the comma.

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so that young
people
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have a great balance of
knowledge
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between the
history
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of the
country
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, and what is happening right now around the globe.
Additionally
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, the government could
also
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regulate some rules regarding television programs.
For instance
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, each
tv
Correct your spelling
TV

The word tv doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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station should have a program related to the
history
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of the
country
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every week, not just at a certain time
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
independence day
Correct your spelling
Independence Day

The word independence day doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
by
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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adding
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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portion of
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

history related
Add a hyphen
history-related

It seems that history related is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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subjects in school and giving the young generations additional information from television programs could tackle the phenomena related to young
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's
knowledge
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

about famous
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from their
country
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's
history
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, and balancing the
knowledge
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to know what is happening around the world today.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain a logical flow in your arguments. For example, instead of jumping from one idea to another, try to create a smooth transition between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Enhance your essay with more specific and diverse examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Try to expand on your points with more depth. This can involve discussing potential counterarguments or further elaborating on how the solutions can be implemented.
introduction conclusion present
You've clearly stated your opinion in the introduction and provided an overview of the causes and solutions.
logical structure
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and easy to follow. The use of specific terms such as 'advancement of technology' and 'lack of patriotism' helps to clarify your main points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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