IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some Universities in less developed countries hire professors from well-known universities to improve the quality of education. Some believe that this is not a perfect solution and there are other ways to enhance the quality of education. Do you agree or disagree?

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Hiring
professors
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 from first-class
universities
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 is viewed as an ineffective way for some people to improve the
quality
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 of
education
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 in educational
institution
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institutions
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 in less-developed
countries
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. Personally, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and consider the path of recruiting
professors
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 from well-known
academy
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academies
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 as one of the best solutions to improve the
quality
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 of
education
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 in developing
state
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states
show examples
 to some extent which will be explained in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, it is believed that hiring
professors
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 from prestigious
universities
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 could burden the
universities
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 in less-developed
countries
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 in terms of budget. It could increase the cost of paying the
professors
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 who contribute to
education
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improving
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improvement
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, providing that most
universities
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 in developing
countries
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 do not have good stability in financial.
Although
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 it is seen as a high-risk approach, especially in cost, it would not be a big problem if the
universities
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 committed to allocating their budget mostly to
education
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quality
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 improvement.
On the other hand
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,
professors
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 from world-class
universities
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 are considered representative of the high
quality
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 of
education
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. By having a lot of experience in good learning methods,
curriculum
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curricula
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, or educational systems, they could be a good role model and apply
this
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 good value in less-developed ways to overcome their problems. Their capabilities are not only in the classroom but in infrastructure
such
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 as embracing the advance of technology, mirroring the well-known
universities
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 which have applied
this
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 approach before.
Therefore
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, by adopting the system of discipline from high-class
universities
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, developing
region
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regions
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 could ensure that their
quality
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 of study would be sustainable and grow.
To sum up
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, it seems to me that hiring
professors
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 from one of
Add an article
the
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first-class
universities
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 is an effective way to alleviate the
quality
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 of schooling in many
universities
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 in developing
countries
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 for long-term success as long as they can mitigate the financial problems which could appear
forward
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets the premise well. However, try to avoid repetition and redundancy to make it even crisper. For example, the phrase 'to improve the quality of education in developing state to some extent which will be explained in this essay' is somewhat repetitive.
task achievement
Within the paragraphs, while you did provide some supporting points, using specific examples or data could enhance the effectiveness of your argument. For instance, citing a case where a university in a developing country improved due to hiring international professors would be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of your essay are generally good. However, ensure the seamless flow of ideas by using better transitional phrases between your arguments. Avoid abrupt shifts in thoughts.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit lengthy and complex. Breaking them down into smaller sentences can improve readability and make your points clearer. For instance, 'Although it is seen as a high-risk approach, especially in cost, it would not be a big problem if the universities committed to allocating their budget mostly to education quality improvement.' can be simplified.
task achievement
Finally, work on syntactical variety. Add more sophisticated sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are strong and provide a clear stance on the issue.
supported main points
Your essay addresses both perspectives, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
logical structure
You provide good reasoning and logic to support your viewpoint, especially in the second paragraph about the costs and benefits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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