Many people believe that watching a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals are of the opinion that it is more satisfying to watch a live
performance
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

than
watch
Fix the infinitive
to watch

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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a similar event on technological devices
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as TV. From my standpoint,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement is agreeable, since it helps to gain experience and bridge the gap between people.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will expound upon
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

by providing compelling reasons and practical examples.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is undeniable that live
performance
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

brings numerous benefits to the audience. One of
that
Correct pronoun usage
those that

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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can be listed is bridging the gap between people. In recent years, the young generations tend to spend most of their time on learning and working without relaxing.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, live
performance
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is an occasion for them to enjoy a
performance
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, meet their friend
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

build connections aiming to forge valuable relationships so that they
could
Wrong verb form
can

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb could. Consider changing it.

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be supported whenever they are in trouble. An example which relevant to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

situation is Vietnam, one of the countries with the largest number of workers, citizens are busy very often, so they have the highest rate of reducing stress by participating in music festivals.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Learning which contributes to the advantages of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

issue is a decisive element. Specifically, there are tons of videos on television that have been edited to serve the audience;
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they could not witness how professional a performer is.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is beneficial to those who watch real performances
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

due
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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to
gaining
Wrong verb form
gain

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb gaining. Consider changing it.

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valuable experience and
applying
Wrong verb form
apply

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb applying. Consider changing it.

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it to reality to possess more skills in order to access lucrative career opportunities.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Son Tung who is the most professional singer in Vietnam lost his voice when he sang in a night concert, but he still looked for a way to recover his voice and satisfy the audience with a song he wrote
along with
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

sharing methods to fix the voice. In conclusion, I think that those who disagree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement have their own understandable argument.
Nonetheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, from my personal perspective, watching a live
performance
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is indeed beneficial and enjoyable because of
helping
Wrong verb form
helps

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb helping. Consider changing it.

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adolescents forge valuable relationships and the ability to access lucrative career opportunities.

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from clearer and more varied transitions between paragraphs and ideas. For example, words like 'Additionally', 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' could help guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.
task achievement
Some arguments need to be developed more fully with specific examples or detailed explanations. For instance, more elaboration on how live performances help bridge relationships would be helpful.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a consistent level of formality in your language. Some phrases come across as informal or awkward, such as 'as well as build connections aiming'.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples that support the main points, such as the story involving Son Tung.
task achievement
You offer well-rounded views, acknowledging counterarguments while still supporting your own perspective.
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