Many people believe that watching a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals are of the opinion that it is more satisfying to watch a live

performance

Use synonyms

than

watch

Fix the infinitive

to watch

show examples

a similar event on technological devices

such

Linking Words

as TV. From my standpoint,

this

Linking Words

statement is agreeable, since it helps to gain experience and bridge the gap between people.

This

Linking Words

essay will expound upon

this

Linking Words

by providing compelling reasons and practical examples.

Firstly

Linking Words

, it is undeniable that live

performance

Use synonyms

brings numerous benefits to the audience. One of

that

Correct pronoun usage

those that

show examples

can be listed is bridging the gap between people. In recent years, the young generations tend to spend most of their time on learning and working without relaxing.

Thus

Linking Words

, live

performance

Use synonyms

is an occasion for them to enjoy a

performance

Use synonyms

, meet their friend

as well as

Linking Words

build connections aiming to forge valuable relationships so that they

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

be supported whenever they are in trouble. An example which relevant to

this

Linking Words

situation is Vietnam, one of the countries with the largest number of workers, citizens are busy very often, so they have the highest rate of reducing stress by participating in music festivals.

Secondly

Linking Words

, Learning which contributes to the advantages of

this

Linking Words

issue is a decisive element. Specifically, there are tons of videos on television that have been edited to serve the audience;

however

Linking Words

, they could not witness how professional a performer is.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it is beneficial to those who watch real performances

Linking Words

due

Change preposition

apply

show examples

gaining

Wrong verb form

gain

show examples

valuable experience and

applying

Wrong verb form

apply

show examples

it to reality to possess more skills in order to access lucrative career opportunities.

For instance

Linking Words

, Son Tung who is the most professional singer in Vietnam lost his voice when he sang in a night concert, but he still looked for a way to recover his voice and satisfy the audience with a song he wrote

along with

Linking Words

sharing methods to fix the voice. In conclusion, I think that those who disagree with

this

Linking Words

statement have their own understandable argument.

Nonetheless

Linking Words

, from my personal perspective, watching a live

performance

Use synonyms

is indeed beneficial and enjoyable because of

helping

Wrong verb form

helps

show examples

adolescents forge valuable relationships and the ability to access lucrative career opportunities.

Sat Jun 29 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay would benefit from clearer and more varied transitions between paragraphs and ideas. For example, words like 'Additionally', 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' could help guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.

task achievement

Some arguments need to be developed more fully with specific examples or detailed explanations. For instance, more elaboration on how live performances help bridge relationships would be helpful.

coherence cohesion

Try to maintain a consistent level of formality in your language. Some phrases come across as informal or awkward, such as 'as well as build connections aiming'.

coherence cohesion

You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your essay effectively.

task achievement

The essay provides relevant and specific examples that support the main points, such as the story involving Son Tung.

task achievement

You offer well-rounded views, acknowledging counterarguments while still supporting your own perspective.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

343 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

live performance
unique and energetic
sense of community
screen
editing
post-production
authentic experience
convenience
visibility
real-time commentary
expert analysis
understanding and appreciation
prohibitive
accessible option
wider audiences

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Many people believe that watching a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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