Many people believe that watching a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals are of the opinion that it is more satisfying to watch a live
performance
than watch
a similar event on technological devices Fix the infinitive
to watch
such
as TV. From my standpoint, this
statement is agreeable, since it helps to gain experience and bridge the gap between people. This
essay will expound upon this
by providing compelling reasons and practical examples.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that live performance
brings numerous benefits to the audience. One of that
can be listed is bridging the gap between people. In recent years, the young generations tend to spend most of their time on learning and working without relaxing. Correct pronoun usage
those that
Thus
, live performance
is an occasion for them to enjoy a performance
, meet their friend as well as
build connections aiming to forge valuable relationships so that they could
be supported whenever they are in trouble. An example which relevant to Wrong verb form
can
this
situation is Vietnam, one of the countries with the largest number of workers, citizens are busy very often, so they have the highest rate of reducing stress by participating in music festivals.
Secondly
, Learning which contributes to the advantages of this
issue is a decisive element. Specifically, there are tons of videos on television that have been edited to serve the audience; however
, they could not witness how professional a performer is. Therefore
, it is beneficial to those who watch real performances due
to Change preposition
apply
gaining
valuable experience and Wrong verb form
gain
applying
it to reality to possess more skills in order to access lucrative career opportunities. Wrong verb form
apply
For instance
, Son Tung who is the most professional singer in Vietnam lost his voice when he sang in a night concert, but he still looked for a way to recover his voice and satisfy the audience with a song he wrote along with
sharing methods to fix the voice.
In conclusion, I think that those who disagree with this
statement have their own understandable argument. Nonetheless
, from my personal perspective, watching a live performance
is indeed beneficial and enjoyable because of helping
adolescents forge valuable relationships and the ability to access lucrative career opportunities.Wrong verb form
helps
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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from clearer and more varied transitions between paragraphs and ideas. For example, words like 'Additionally', 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' could help guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.
task achievement
Some arguments need to be developed more fully with specific examples or detailed explanations. For instance, more elaboration on how live performances help bridge relationships would be helpful.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a consistent level of formality in your language. Some phrases come across as informal or awkward, such as 'as well as build connections aiming'.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples that support the main points, such as the story involving Son Tung.
task achievement
You offer well-rounded views, acknowledging counterarguments while still supporting your own perspective.
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