Some students take 1 year of between finishing school and going to universities,in order to travel or to work. Do you think advantages outwiegh the disadvantages?

#students #year #school #universities #travel #work #outwiegh

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An average of one year after school completion is needed before immigration or securing a job. I believe there are more benefits compared to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

drawbacks and

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

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I am going to discuss

about

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

them.

To begin

Linking Words

with, most of the

youngstars

Correct your spelling

youngsters

young stars

complete their studies at

Correct article usage

the

show examples

age of 16-18 years.

Change preposition

During

show examples

this

Linking Words

period, they have no exposure

about

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show examples

life outside school and they normally rely on their guardians or parents for guidance. A duration of some months after studies will enable them

develop

Add the particle

to develop

show examples

independence and clearly understand what they really want in life.

For instance

Linking Words

Change preposition

show examples

the village of Soweto in Uganda, a survey done by the church on the number of youths who were jobless indicated that a large number had completed university but they were yet to secure a job or move abroad because they thought they were still young and needed more time with their siblings at

home

Use synonyms

Nonetheless

Linking Words

, their mentors believe that they are too young to be released from the

home

Use synonyms

settings because many

work stations

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workstations

show examples

will be situated far away from

home

Use synonyms

or if

its

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it's

it is

show examples

migrating to a foreign land if they do not have relatives it means they will be residing alone which worries them

as well as

Linking Words

their parents.

For example

Linking Words

, a study conducted in 1990 at the

Cocacola

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Coca-Cola

company showed that 85% of the newly hired

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

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who had no history of previous employment

aged

Add a missing verb

were aged

show examples

between 23 to 25 years.

This

Linking Words

showed that most of them took a minimum of one or two years before joining the company.

However

Linking Words

,the scholars can finish

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their education and work

direct

Replace the word

directly

show examples

or immigrate without necessarily having to wait at

home

Use synonyms

because there are those who start schooling at late ages

therefore

Linking Words

they will think they are wasting

alot

Correct your spelling

a lot

of time staying at

home

Use synonyms

after studies. But, I

Believe

Fix capitalization

believe

show examples

that duration matters

alot

Correct your spelling

a lot

in promoting independence and understanding clearly what they want.

Submitted by janenjeru6 on Sat Jun 29 2024

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coherence cohesion

Although the essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Make sure each paragraph flows naturally to the next. Also, avoid repeating similar points to enhance cohesion.

task achievement

Your essay comprehensively addresses the topic and provides relevant examples and ideas. However, you need to clearly compare the advantages and disadvantages, rather than just mentioning them. Strengthen your arguments with more specific examples and data.

task achievement

Make sure you address both sides of the argument more effectively. Currently, the disadvantages section is less developed than the advantages section.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your main points are well-supported with evidence. While your examples are relevant, they could be clearer and more directly linked to your main arguments. For instance, specifying how a gap year can help in developing independence could be explained in more detail.

task achievement

You have a strong understanding of the topic and have provided a well-rounded response. Your essay has addressed the question clearly and thoughtfully.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction sets up the essay well, providing a clear statement of your opinion. The conclusion ties everything together effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

320 words

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Some students take 1 year of between finishing school and going to universities,in order to travel or to work. Do you think advantages outwiegh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In many societies, there is less social contact between the elderly and the young. What are the reasons and what measures can be taken?

In many countries large amounts of foods are wasted. Why do you think people waste food in this way? What can be done to reduce the amount of food thrown away? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

Some people believe that professional workers such as Doctors and Teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent Do you Agree or Disagree? TASK 2

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this viewpoint?

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.