Some young people decide to start their own business rather than for a company. What are the benefits and drawbacks of this tendency?
Young
generation basically Correct article usage
The young
decide
to make their own Change the verb form
decides
business
rather than come into being for a company
. This
essay will touch on the benefits and drawbacks about
these jobs.
Big Change preposition
of
companies
have positive impacts offer
paid time off and Correct word choice
and offer
extent
opportunities because Replace the word
extended
of
Change preposition
apply
that
Correct determiner usage
those
company
have massive revenue and easily Fix the agreement mistake
companies
promote
. If you have own Wrong verb form
promoted
business
your business
there is more possibility to collapse
your Change preposition
of collapsing
business
. The main reason you do not have big
investment and enough experience. Correct article usage
a big
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
companies
usually offer a wider of benefits say health insurance and retirement plans.
One of the main facts that
Add a missing verb
is that
majority
of young Correct article usage
the majority
people
would certainly want to flexible schedule and better income. As a
result
these Add a comma
result,
people
settle down make
their own Correct word choice
and make
business
. However
most Add a comma
However,
of
Change preposition
apply
companies
have strictly
Change the word
strict
rule
, Fix the agreement mistake
rules
schedule
and less income Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
also
young people
feel that
under pressure in a Correct word choice
apply
company
. These reasons obliges
that away from Change the verb form
oblige
anyone
Correct your spelling
any
companies
. Some companies
demand to
workers Change preposition
apply
high
degree of education and experience Add an article
a high
whereas
in reality some jobs are not needed in these cases. For
instance
you work in the office and write documents on Add a comma
instance,
computer
. If you know word programs and another why you must get Add an article
the computer
a computer
high
degree of education Add an article
a high
that
is not make
sense. Change the verb form
does not make
That is
why young people
tent
to make Correct your spelling
tend
them
own Change the pronoun
their
business
. Sometimes bosses request to
employees work overtime and end of the month bosses deviate from extra pay Change preposition
that
salary
. Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
bossestry
to give less Correct your spelling
bosses try
salary
to probationers and they say probationers need to
more experience than Change preposition
apply
salary
and thus
young employees can not to
provide a good life for their small families.
In conclusion, it can be seen that Change the verb form
apply
work
in Wrong verb form
working
company
means less risk and Add an article
a company
the company
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
salary
. However
own
Wrong verb form
owning
business
can get much more income and more opportunities.Correct article usage
a business
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task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas more comprehensively. A detailed explanation with supporting evidence is essential to making your argument strong.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all your points are logically connected, and use appropriate linking phrases. This will help improve the flow of the essay.
general
Aim for grammatical accuracy. Try to minimize errors in sentence construction and word usage for better clarity.
general
To progress further, practice more on task response and coherence and cohesion by writing multiple drafts and seeking more feedback.
task achievement
You have shown a good understanding of the topic by acknowledging both benefits and drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion structure are commendable. These sections help create a cohesive whole.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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