The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The picture indicates the production
process
of
sugar
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scratch. There are 7 steps to
process
sugar
cane
into
sugar
.
First,
we have to grow the
sugar
cane
until it reaches the harvest age of 12-18 months. Afterwards, the
sugar
cane
is harvested by using either a harvest machine or conventional tools. The harvesting method by using machinery costs significant money yet saves time and energy,
while
the conventional method requires more time and energy yet it is cheaper. The trunk of
sugar
cane
then
needs to be transported to the
sugar
factories where it is processed
further
. The
sugar
canes are crushed by the crushing machine and turned into
sugar
cane
juice
.
The next step is
to purify the
juice
by using a limestone filter.
Furthermore
, the
juice
is put into a large container called an evaporator where it boils until the
juice
becomes syrup. After that, we have to separate the
sugar
crystal from the syrup by using an equipment called a centrifuge. After the separation
process
is finished,
then
we can continue to the
last
step which is drying and cooling. The
sugar
is obtained
after
this
process
and can be packed for
further
distribution.
Submitted by rianadmaja on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar, cane, juice with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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