The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The picture indicates the production
process
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of
sugar
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from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scratch. There are 7 steps to
process
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sugar
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cane
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into
sugar
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.
First,
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we have to grow the
sugar
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cane
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until it reaches the harvest age of 12-18 months. Afterwards, the
sugar
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cane
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is harvested by using either a harvest machine or conventional tools. The harvesting method by using machinery costs significant money yet saves time and energy,
while
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the conventional method requires more time and energy yet it is cheaper. The trunk of
sugar
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cane
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then
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needs to be transported to the
sugar
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factories where it is processed
further
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. The
sugar
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canes are crushed by the crushing machine and turned into
sugar
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cane
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juice
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.
The next step is
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to purify the
juice
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by using a limestone filter.
Furthermore
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, the
juice
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is put into a large container called an evaporator where it boils until the
juice
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becomes syrup. After that, we have to separate the
sugar
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crystal from the syrup by using an equipment called a centrifuge. After the separation
process
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is finished,
then
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we can continue to the
last
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step which is drying and cooling. The
sugar
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is obtained
after
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this
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process
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and can be packed for
further
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distribution.
Submitted by rianadmaja on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar, cane, juice with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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