Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case ? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development ?

Nowadays,
Children
spend a significant time of their days using technologies in general, and
in particular
smartphones
. There are many reasons and explanations for
this
issue, especially with technological advancement. Some people would argue that using
smartphones
for long hours holds significant drawbacks in
children
’s development. Others might believe that using
smartphones
from an early age can have substantial benefits for
children
. In
this
essay, I will cover the causes and explanations of
this
developing issue, both points
view
Change preposition
of view
show examples
and my opinion.
Smartphones
noticed significant development and increase in
use
since the beginning of the 20th century. These days,
smartphones
have become a major thing in every person’s life. Many
children
, as part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, have
smartphones
and
use
them daily. One of the major points leading to the popularity of smartphone
use
among
children
is the technological advancement of
smartphones
nowadays.
Smartphones
become a major source of entertainment with
access
to unlimited
games
, social media apps, and internet search and exploration.
Additionally
,
smartphones
replaced completely home phones, and the possession of
smartphones
is essential these days.
However
, as with anything in
this
life, smartphone
use
among
children
has pros and cons. One of the pros is definitely the
access
to unlimited educational videos, articles, electronic books, and even virtual learning classes and lectures.
Nevertheless
,
instead
of the need to buy toys and video
games
,
smartphones
give
children
access
to
games
that fit all tastes.
Conversely
,
Smartphones
Fix the agreement mistake
Smartphone
show examples
use
among
children
can
also
lead to many problems and drawbacks.
Firstly
,
children
might be able if not supervised well to
access
contents that are adults only.
Moreover
,
Children
might play online video
games
with adults or even older adolescents exposing them to many dangers
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
can even cause emotional or sexual abuse. In Conclusion, I believe that using
smartphones
in moderation and under supervision can be beneficial for
children
. It can be helpful to help them reach educational videos that will enhance their skills. Parents need to teach and educate their
children
about the appropriate way to
use
smartphones
and explore the internet browser. With education and supervision,
Children
would be able to
use
smartphones
safely for educational and recreational activities.
Submitted by fahadajl64 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Sometimes, the flow of ideas can seem abrupt.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the main points effectively.
task achievement
The response addresses both parts of the question, explaining why children spend so much time on smartphones and discussing both the positive and negative aspects of this.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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