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Band 5

Some people say that advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it will make people feel dissatisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #effects
Some
people
 believe that advertising imposes many benefits
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
,
while
 others reckon it
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 detrimental impacts on socialization because it
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
show examples
individuals
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 unsatisfied with who they are and what they have. From my perspective, I consider
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 indeed
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
 many positive economic influences in society. On the one hand, the main reason why some
individuals
 insist advertising may bring many negative impacts on socialization and make
people
 feel
desatisfied
Correct your spelling
dissatisfied
 with themselves is that many advertising
informatioin
Correct your spelling
information
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 perfect advertisers to spread pressure to
consumers
for boosting
Change preposition
to boost
show examples
 the demands of their
products
.
For example
, some
skin
 care
products
 companies hire
people
 who
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 perfect
skin
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 to advertise their goods. In that case,
consumers
 see the difference
situatioin
Correct your spelling
situation
 between their
skin
 and the advertisers', rendering them to worry about the condition of their
skin
.
Consequently
,
individuals
 feel less confident with their appearance so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
purchanse
Correct your spelling
purchase
purchased
 those
products
.
Therefore
, advertising may actually yield harmful effects on
people'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 confidence
whey
Correct your spelling
when
show examples
 they
social
Replace the word
socialise
show examples
 with other
people
.
On the other hand
, I stand with citizens who think advertising has many beneficial economic influences.
Firstly
, advertising makes
consumers
 easy to find the
products
 they need ,
thus
 it increases the sales of goods, which boosts the
economy
 as well. Specifically, some
individuals
 know exactly what kinds of
products
 they want, but they fail to find the most proper good without
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertising
, so they refuse to consume.
For instance
, some
consumers
 want to change their laptops to a higher
effcient
Correct your spelling
efficient
 one. If there is no advertisement showing the efficiency of computers,
consumers
 would be confused by the function of laptops,
thus
 they
preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to use their old
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 until they make sure the types of computers.
Secondly
, discount advertising inspires
individuals
' shopping desires, which is
also
 beneficial to
shopping
Correct article usage
the shopping
show examples
economy
.
For example
, some supermarkets enforce discounts on their
products
 on some special days like Children's
day
Capitalize word
Day
show examples
. By seeing those discounted
products
,
people
 are prone to buy as many as possible of them because they have to spend more money in
causual
Correct your spelling
casual
 days.
Therefore
, the supermarket
gain
Change the verb form
gains
show examples
 more revenue. In conclusion, some
people
insisit
Correct your spelling
insist
advertising
Correct word choice
that advertising
show examples
 could be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
individuals
' socialization
due to
 the fact that it spreads pressure
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
consmuers
Correct your spelling
consumers
,
while
 I agree with
people
 who think it is beneficial to the
economy
 because it increases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales.
Submitted by 1356388645 on

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Grammar
Watch for small grammatical errors, like subject-verb agreement and spelling mistakes, which can affect the clarity of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to refine your topic sentences so they clearly summarize the main idea of each paragraph, enhancing the logical structure and flow further.
Task Achievement
Consider elaborating more on counter-arguments and providing additional examples to strengthen the depth of your discussion.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively outline and summarize your main points.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant specific examples to support your arguments, enhancing their clarity and persuasiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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