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Band 7

In some countries, people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is this a negative or positive development?

#countries #people #hours #work #happen #development
In recent years, there has been a growing recognition of the popularity of working for long hours. From my standpoint, I gravitate toward those who believe that it is a negative tendency.
This
 essay will expound upon
this
 by providing reasons why it happens and practical examples.
Firstly
, there are tons of elements that cause
this
 issue.
It is clear that
 personal demands are
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 decisive importance. Specifically, most people have their own fees
such
 as cost of living, and it costs a large amount of money, meaning that it creates a motivation for them to work harder so that they can earn a fortune to afford things more easily.
Thus
, it is possible that workers can live more comfortably.
For instance
,
according to
 recent data which was reported by news gave the information about shopping, it was incredible that most Vietnamese people spend over 60% of their income to follow their passion
such
 as buying new cameras for satisfaction.
Secondly
, it should be noted that
this
 problem is detrimental to workers. It is
due to
 the fact that mental health is compromised by working for long hours, since they may be under the pressure of a hectic schedule without relaxing or reducing stress.
Consequently
, it paves the way for ease of being autistic. In the case of citizens living in Singapore which has the highest salary per person witnessed the highest proportion of suicide in 2018 because of work overload
along with
 the expensive renting accommodations. In conclusion, I lean toward individuals believing it is a harmful trend. One of the reasons why they go
for working
Change preposition
to work
show examples
 for a long time is to earn money to live more comfortably.
Nonetheless
, it brings numerous drawbacks to workers
such
 as having the ability to be autistic or anti-social came from long-time suffering pressure.

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task achievement
Your essay generally addresses the task prompt effectively by discussing reasons for long working hours and establishing it as a negative development. However, you could strengthen your arguments by providing more substantial and varied examples and clearer explanations of your main points.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your ideas by using more varied transitional phrases and improving the organization of your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up your argument and provides a clear stance on the issue, which is valuable for guiding the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes with a succinct summary of your arguments, reinforcing your viewpoint effectively.
task achievement
You use relevant specific examples, such as the spending habits of Vietnamese people and the situation in Singapore, which help illustrate your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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