IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

#future #people #shops #cash #payments #card #phones
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With technological advancement, it is conceivable that digital payments will replace physical money and
people
Use synonyms
 will not be able to pay in shops unless they use a card or phone.
However
Linking Words
, some individuals might not be satisfied with
this
Linking Words
 event. There are several reasons why I think
cash
Use synonyms
 may eventually become obsolete. First of all, carrying
cash
Use synonyms
 is not a secure option and it is against the safety measures especially when someone wants to buy an expensive item. There is the risk of robbery and theft with
cash
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 with cards,
people
Use synonyms
 can easily call their banks and ask for locking their cards.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it requires a PIN to make payments above a certain amount. Another reason is the environmental benefit of
this
Linking Words
 trend. Producing paper money takes a lot of resources
such
Linking Words
 as trees, water and human resources.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, If
this
Linking Words
 event were to occur, some
people
Use synonyms
 would be unhappy with it. Certain demographics
such
Linking Words
 as elderly
people
Use synonyms
 or those with limited access to technology may struggle to adapt to a cashless system.
For example
Linking Words
, my grandfather even does not have a smartphone and he does not know how to use it. Another group of
people
Use synonyms
 who might not be satisfied are business owners who do not want to pay taxes to the government.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, are those emotionally connected with the sense of holding money. They believe that it can help them feel
wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
show examples
 and manage their budget in a more effective way. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is inevitable that digital payments eliminate the need for
cash
Use synonyms
, there are always
people
Use synonyms
 who are against
such
Linking Words
 changes.
Submitted by ayda.rahimisadegh on

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coherence cohesion
Keep working on integrating more complex sentence structures and paragraph transitions to enrich the coherence of your writing.
task achievement
Consider a more varied vocabulary and specific examples to strengthen your argument and make your points even more persuasive.
task achievement
You addressed the question directly, providing a clear opinion on the inevitability of cash becoming obsolete.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, providing a solid framework for your essay.
task achievement
The examples you provided, such as the safety issues with carrying cash and the environmental aspects, support your arguments well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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