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Writing Samples
Band 5

students are under peer pressure . do the advantages outweight the disadvantages?

#students #peer #pressure #outweight
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The debate over the consequences of the peer pressure placed on youngsters
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 sparked considerable debate. In my opinion, despite the few benefits of
this
 notion, its detriments are
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
higher significance
due to
 the reasons
this
 essay
further
 elaborates on.
One
 major negative impact of
this
 phenomenon is on the youth's mentality. During a constant comparison they conduct between themselves and
others
, they suffer from the potential superiority of
others
. As they lack critical thinking skills and
thus
, cannot comprehend the difference between
people
's capabilities,
this
 failure leads to them acknowledging
themseleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 as "losers&quot
;.
Change the punctuation
;
.
show examples
 With
this
 feeling accumulating , they'd become more prone to mental conditions
such
 as depression.
Moreover
, their inability to focus on themselves and relentlessly wanting to mimic their peers often contribute to a shattered confidence, jeopardizing
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 mental health
further
. Take a student as an example; who is eager to participate in football since
one
's peers are doing so, whilst not having adequate agility.
Consequently
, the student would experience tough times preparing for a field that doesn't suit his abilities, prior to pinning his self-conception on
this
 failure and fostering a sense of self-doubt.
However
, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 positive implications of
this
 pressure worth noting.
One
 field in
being
Correct pronoun usage
which being
show examples
 influenced by
others
 proves beneficial is youngsters' disruptive
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. By serving as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 looking at
others
 and noticing positive
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 of
others
 are being rewarded, they'd undertake them less frequently;
therefore
, gain societal acceptance.
Furthermore
, looking at those who are of consciencious personality serves
an
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 an incentive, enticing the young
people
 to put efforts into achieving their milestones.
Hence
, they'd be more likely to succeed in their professional, educational, or personal lives. To illustrate, Elon Musl once reported
one
 of his classmates being inspired by him and inventing a novel gadget which brought him both fortune and fame among society. Given the effectiveness of these positive implications, they come at the expense of damaging individuals' mentality and self-confidence. In conclusion,
although
 the way young
people
 are influenced by same-aged
people
 may result in discipline and an enhanced attitude, I firmly believe it would be devastatingly detrimental to their mindset, surpassing the merits. In fact, it contributes to self-doubt, damaged confidence and proneness to numerous mental conditions, posing
threat
Correct article usage
a threat
show examples
 to their well-being.
Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on

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grammar
Improve grammatical accuracy by carefully proofreading your writing. Pay attention to sentence structure and avoid run-on sentences.
lexical resource
Work on expanding your vocabulary and using more varied sentence structures to enhance your essay's readability.
relevance
Ensure that your examples are succinct and directly related to the point you're making. Avoid long-winded explanations that can detract from the clarity of your argument.
introduction
The introduction clearly states the writer's position on the topic and provides a roadmap for the essay.
balance
The essay effectively covers both the advantages and disadvantages of peer pressure, providing a balanced discussion.
conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's stance, providing a clear end to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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