IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #procedures #males #females #korea #summaries #information #features #comparisons
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The two bar
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
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illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
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Correct article usage
a comparation
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comparation
Correct your spelling
comparison
in
Change preposition
of
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 cosmetic
surgery
 between women and men in
Korean
Correct your spelling
Korea
show examples
 in 2004. The data are measured in numbers.The data are measured in numbers.
overall
, the number of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 doing cosmetic
sergery
Correct your spelling
surgery
 is relatively
lows
Fix the agreement mistake
low
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 compared to
female
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females
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.
In addition
, hair
transpilanation
Correct your spelling
transplantation
 is the most popular
surgery
 between both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
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. on the one hand, the highest number of
woman
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women
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surgery
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surgeries
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 has been done for eyelid
surgery
 lat just more than 300 ,
wich
Correct your spelling
which
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 makes it higher than rhinoplasty by around 20.
while
 the lowest number is
liposictiom
Correct your spelling
liposuction
surery
Correct your spelling
surgery
 at about 110.
In addition
 ,laser skin
resurafcing
Correct your spelling
resurfacing
 and breast enlangerment had approximetely210 and 2050 respectively.
on the other hand
,hair
transpilanation
Correct your spelling
transplantation
 is
the
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at the
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 top in
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 cosmetic
surgery
 list at exactly 60 .
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
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the minority of Korean boys
preffer
Correct your spelling
prefer
surgery
 type and abdominoplasty . Meanwhile , rhinoplasty
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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 exactly 40 and, lesser skin resurfacing had
raghly
Correct your spelling
roughly
 60.
Submitted by ananan2780 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words surgery with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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