IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #procedures #males #females #korea #summaries #information #features #comparisons
The two bar
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
Correct article usage
a comparation
show examples
comparation
Correct your spelling
comparison
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 cosmetic
surgery
 between women and men in
Korean
Correct your spelling
Korea
show examples
 in 2004. The data are measured in numbers.The data are measured in numbers.
overall
, the number of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 doing cosmetic
sergery
Correct your spelling
surgery
 is relatively
lows
Fix the agreement mistake
low
show examples
 compared to
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
In addition
, hair
transpilanation
Correct your spelling
transplantation
 is the most popular
surgery
 between both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
. on the one hand, the highest number of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
surgery
Fix the agreement mistake
surgeries
show examples
 has been done for eyelid
surgery
 lat just more than 300 ,
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 makes it higher than rhinoplasty by around 20.
while
 the lowest number is
liposictiom
Correct your spelling
liposuction
surery
Correct your spelling
surgery
 at about 110.
In addition
 ,laser skin
resurafcing
Correct your spelling
resurfacing
 and breast enlangerment had approximetely210 and 2050 respectively.
on the other hand
,hair
transpilanation
Correct your spelling
transplantation
 is
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 top in
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 cosmetic
surgery
 list at exactly 60 .
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the minority of Korean boys
preffer
Correct your spelling
prefer
surgery
 type and abdominoplasty . Meanwhile , rhinoplasty
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 exactly 40 and, lesser skin resurfacing had
raghly
Correct your spelling
roughly
 60.
Submitted by ananan2780 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words surgery with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: