Many people try to balance work and other parts of their life. However, this is very difficult to do. What are the problems associated with this? What is the best way to achieve a better balance?

Work
-life balance is an important subject
giving
Replace the word
given
show examples
the busy lifestyles of many
people
nowadays. Undoubtedly, there are problems associated with
this
. The main of which are obesity and social vices.
However
, tentative
solutions
to these are restricted
work
time
and establishing gyms at
work
.
This
essay seeks to look at these problems and
solutions
.
To begin
with, the fundamental problem with not achieving a balanced
work
and social life is obesity.
This
is because
people
spend several
hours
at
work
and end up eating from outside where meals purchased are junk.
Also
, most employees sit for long
hours
to perform their duties at various workplaces. To elaborate on
this
, studies have shown that a greater percentage of
people
who
work
tirelessly have lots of responsibilities and as
such
lead sedentary lifestyles and eat unhealthy meals compared to
people
who are jobless. The effect of being overweight is cardiovascular diseases
such
as diabetes, stroke and heart attack amongst the workforce.
In addition
, breeding social vices is another consequence of an
inbalanced
Correct your spelling
unbalanced
imbalanced
work
-life. Family is the main root of a nation and the quest for parents to earn and provide for their
children
robs them
off
Replace the word
of
show examples
time
with family.
This
makes
children
live life the best way they deem as they lack parental supervision. Reduced parental
time
with
children
results in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
children
falling prey to violent
people
in the community and becoming social vices. Despite the issues that can arise from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of
work
-life balance, some
solutions
are establishing governmental laws to restrict the daily working
hours
.
This
should apply in all working institutions whether private or public. A publication in the New York Times shows that
people
are more productive when
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
spend
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
hours
at
work
.
This
will allow workers the
time
to run other aspects of their lives.
Lastly
, employers could install gyms at their workplaces and give allowable
time
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
within
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working
hours
to encourage employees to exercise.
This
will curb the problem of obesity.
To sum up
, not achieving a
work - life
Correct your spelling
work-life
show examples
balance has problems and
solutions
.
Submitted by nmaureen03 on

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task achievement
The essay responds well to the prompt by addressing the problems associated with work-life balance and providing potential solutions. However, ensuring more specific and varied examples would further enhance the argument. Consider elaborating on how governmental laws can be practically enforced or how gym installations can be feasibly implemented.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, transitions between ideas can be smoother. For instance, the argument about 'social vices' could be better linked to the preceding point on 'obesity.' Additionally, clarifying the connection between work hours and productivity would add coherence.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers both parts of the prompt: it identifies two main problems and two corresponding solutions. This comprehensive approach ensures that the task response is strong.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This logical arrangement aids readers in understanding the key points being made.
coherence cohesion
The use of studies and publications like 'New York Times' adds credibility to the arguments presented, enhancing the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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