Some people think that it is beneficial for children to play games online, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Offspring have been playing

games

throughout history. They have played

games

online since the invention of computers and mobile devices.

Although

internet

gaming is thought by some to be advantageous for offspring, others think it can be detrimental. In my opinion, I think that multiplayer network

games

can bring more problems for kids compared to any advantages. Admittedly, there are some basic benefits of children playing

games

online.

Firstly

when a child plays

internet

computer

games

, he develops problem-solving skills. In fact, there are many

games

to choose from where players must strategically think about what they must do to win the

games

For instance

, in the online game Total War: Warhammer 3, the player must survive battles by choosing the right weapons to defeat the foe, setting up defences to protect oneself, and attacking at the right moment.

Hence

, children develop cognitive skills in pursuit of winning the game, which many people believe is an adventitious exercise for young minds.

Nevertheless

, despite the advantages above, I believe youngsters could face serious drawbacks from digital

games

. One potentially dangerous issue is that computer online

games

are addictive. In fact, nowadays, offspring have been spending too much time sitting in one place and looking at the screen for too long. Many of them can’t live without online

games

As a result

, they give up other previously enjoyed activities and social relationships and get poor academic performances at school. Another obvious issue is that playing

games

on the

internet

may damage kids’

health

. Youngsters become overweight or obese from not enough physical activity because they are engrossed in online activities for long periods of time.

In addition

, bright, and flashing

games

damage kids’ eyes from looking at the screen for too long. Many kids eventually succumb to vision correction and must wear glasses.

Thus

internet

gaming damages both players’ mental

health

and players’ physical

health

. In conclusion, the

health

consequences of

internet

games

far outweigh any of the minor benefits that could result from children playing

games

online. Many youngsters enjoy multiplayer network

games

, and it is up to the parents to make the best decisions for their offspring.

Submitted by mizh.nguyen on Sun Jun 30 2024

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coherence cohesion

While your essay is generally well-organized, try to make the progression of ideas within paragraphs smoother. Use more transitional words and phrases to link your points seamlessly.

coherence cohesion

Be mindful of repetition. For example, you use 'internet gaming' and 'online games' interchangeably, but occasionally varying your language can make your writing more engaging.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the task effectively. However, adding more depth to your arguments, such as mentioning psychological studies or expert opinions, could further strengthen your essay.

task achievement

Ensure your examples are varied and cover different aspects of the issue. Perhaps consider including an example of a non-strategic game to show a broader perspective on the types of games available.

task achievement

Your introduction sets the stage well for the discussion and provides a clear statement of your opinion, which is important for task achievement.

task achievement

Use of specific examples, such as the mention of Total War: Warhammer 3, adds authenticity and helps to illustrate your points clearly.

coherence cohesion

You have provided a balanced view by acknowledging the benefits before presenting the drawbacks, which shows a thorough understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your stance, which is essential for coherence and cohesion.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

357 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive skills
problem-solving
critical thinking
hand-eye coordination
reflexes
teamwork
communication skills
multiplayer
cooperative games
addiction
prolonged screen time
inappropriate content
online predators
aggressive behavior
violent games
physical activities
face-to-face interactions

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Some people think that it is beneficial for children to play games online, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people consider celebrities such as actors and athletes to be their role models. Do you think that people should look up to celebrities as role models? What other types of people are worthy of admiration?

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The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use number. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.