Completing university education is the thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

#university #education #thought #job #hand #people #skills

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Getting a

university

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degree

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has been a hot topic in discussions lately. On one side,

people

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think that getting a

college

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degree

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is important

while

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on the other side think that it is not necessary. Some

people

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argue that completing a

university

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education is not necessary because experience and soft

skills

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are more crucial rather than getting a

university

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degree

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Therefore

Linking Words

, they think that getting

on-hand

Correct word choice

hands-on

show examples

involvement in a real-world project is more important than sitting in front of the lecturer. Sometimes the knowledge that we got during our class is not applicable to the industry

therefore

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people

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think it is useless.

Additionally

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college

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students usually lack soft

skills

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thus

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some

people

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think that they should train their soft

skills

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instead

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of having class each day.

In contrast

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, other

people

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think that getting a

university

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degree

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is an accelerated way for us to get a job with a better salary. By achieving a diploma, we can expedite our career path so we do not have to start from the bottom.

Moreover

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, some professions

also

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require a

university

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degree

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before allowing us to get into the job industry.

For example

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, in order to be a doctor we have to follow a rigorous and prolonged

university

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education.

This

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is because being

doctor

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a doctor

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is a high-risk profession

that is

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related to patients' critical lives. In conclusion, both sides of the discussion offer relevant reasons

Change preposition

for

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whether getting a

college

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diploma is important or not. In my opinion,

completion

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completing

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university

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education is still important nowadays. We would never be able to get the basic knowledge of what we do if we only learned it by doing.

Furthermore

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, some colleges

also

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offer a mandatory internship in their program so that the students are not clueless about the industry. Students are

also

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able to develop their soft

skills

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in the student organizations that are available in most colleges.

Therefore

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, I think that getting a

college

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degree

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is an important way for us to get a good job.

Submitted by rianadmaja on Sun Jul 07 2024

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introduction conclusion present

Ensure your introduction clearly states both perspectives and sets up the discussion effectively. Your current introduction hints at both sides, but could be clearer in establishing the essay's structure.

logical structure

Expand on your transition sentences between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. For example, when moving from the argument against university education to the argument for it, make the transition smoother.

relevant specific examples

Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Elaborate on how soft skills can be equally or more valuable in certain industries or scenarios, and provide diverse examples beyond the field of medicine for the necessity of a degree.

complete response

You have provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is essential for a discussion essay.

clear comprehensive ideas

Your paragraphs are well-organized and present clear, comprehensive ideas. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point, which makes your arguments easy to follow.

supported main points

The use of specific examples, such as the necessity of a university degree for doctors, effectively supports your main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

332 words

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Completing university education is the thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

Some young people are leaving the countrside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the envirnonment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?