Completing university education is the thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

#university #education #thought #job #hand #people #skills

Getting a

university

degree

has been a hot topic in discussions lately. On one side,

people

think that getting a

college

degree

is important

while

on the other side think that it is not necessary. Some

people

argue that completing a

university

education is not necessary because experience and soft

skills

are more crucial rather than getting a

university

degree

Therefore

, they think that getting

on-hand

Correct word choice

hands-on

show examples

involvement in a real-world project is more important than sitting in front of the lecturer. Sometimes the knowledge that we got during our class is not applicable to the industry

therefore

people

think it is useless.

Additionally

college

students usually lack soft

skills

thus

some

people

think that they should train their soft

skills

instead

of having class each day.

In contrast

, other

people

think that getting a

university

degree

is an accelerated way for us to get a job with a better salary. By achieving a diploma, we can expedite our career path so we do not have to start from the bottom.

Moreover

, some professions

also

require a

university

degree

before allowing us to get into the job industry.

For example

, in order to be a doctor we have to follow a rigorous and prolonged

university

education.

This

is because being

doctor

Add an article

a doctor

show examples

is a high-risk profession

that is

related to patients' critical lives. In conclusion, both sides of the discussion offer relevant reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

whether getting a

college

diploma is important or not. In my opinion,

completion

Replace the word

completing

show examples

university

education is still important nowadays. We would never be able to get the basic knowledge of what we do if we only learned it by doing.

Furthermore

, some colleges

also

offer a mandatory internship in their program so that the students are not clueless about the industry. Students are

also

able to develop their soft

skills

in the student organizations that are available in most colleges.

Therefore

, I think that getting a

college

degree

is an important way for us to get a good job.

Submitted by rianadmaja on Sun Jul 07 2024

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introduction conclusion present

Ensure your introduction clearly states both perspectives and sets up the discussion effectively. Your current introduction hints at both sides, but could be clearer in establishing the essay's structure.

logical structure

Expand on your transition sentences between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. For example, when moving from the argument against university education to the argument for it, make the transition smoother.

relevant specific examples

Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Elaborate on how soft skills can be equally or more valuable in certain industries or scenarios, and provide diverse examples beyond the field of medicine for the necessity of a degree.

complete response

You have provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is essential for a discussion essay.

clear comprehensive ideas

Your paragraphs are well-organized and present clear, comprehensive ideas. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point, which makes your arguments easy to follow.

supported main points

The use of specific examples, such as the necessity of a university degree for doctors, effectively supports your main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

332 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Completing university education is the thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that success is the best indicator for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

Some people think competitive sport is important for a child's education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Other, however, say that this would have limit effect on public health and that other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.