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Some argue that success in life is determind by where a person is born and how he or she grow up. Others believe that these factors have no effect on personal success. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#argue #success #life #determind #person #factors #effect
Every individual
strive
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strives
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 to triumphant in
life
. Some
people's
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people
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 dispute the fact that a
person
 can become successful in
life
 by their geographical location and their upbringing, others
on the other hand
 disagree. Being Successful in
life
 is determined by where a
person
 is born or how they were raised.
Firstly
the
Correct article usage
apply
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geographical location strongly has an impact on the
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
 of a
person
.
For example
, a
person
 born in
an
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a
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 European or foreign country compared to an African has more learning resources that
improves
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improve
show examples
 their chances of being
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 a
person
 who grew up in a wealthy family is predetermined to have a successful
life
 than someone who grew up in a poor family.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 capable of sending their ward to a high recognised schools and providing everything
neccessary toensure
Correct your spelling
necessary to ensure
 their success,
while
 the poor will not be able to provide even basic education for his or her
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
On the other hand
, Some believe these factors have no effect on personal success. Place of birth or one's upbringing those not typically suggest that an individual will be successful in
life
.
For example
, a
person
 born into a wealthy family may not take
life
serious
Change the word
seriously
show examples
 since he or she believes the
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the money so learning or making it in
life
 isn't that important,
whiles
Replace the word
while
show examples
 a
person
 born into a poor family will do his or her best to
successed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in
life
 in order to help or rewrite the destiny of their families. I strongly believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it doesnt matter where a
person
 is born or how he or
sge
Correct your spelling
she
 grew up ,as long as a
person
 is determined and
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 in
life
 they can be successful. Despite what other people say concerning the upbringing and geographical location one finds themselves.
Submitted by keziahboye58 on

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grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy and spelling. There are several noticeable errors, such as 'triumphant' instead of 'triumph,' 'dispute' instead of 'disputes,' and 'toensure' instead of 'to ensure.' These detract from the overall quality of the writing.
ideas development
Ensure that all main ideas are fully developed and supported with clear, relevant examples. Some points in your essay need further elaboration to thoroughly convey their significance.
structure
Try to improve the logical structure of your paragraphs. Some parts of the essay feel a bit disjointed and could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas.
introduction conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your essay well.
support
You provide examples to support your points, which is good. This helps make your argument more compelling.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides your own opinion, making it a comprehensive response to the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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