IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some argue that success in life is determind by where a person is born and how he or she grow up. Others believe that these factors have no effect on personal success. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

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Every individual
strive
Change the verb form
strives

The plural verb strive does not appear to agree with the singular subject Every individual. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 to triumphant in
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Some
people's
Change noun form
people

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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 dispute the fact that a
person
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 can become successful in
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 by their geographical location and their upbringing, others
on the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 disagree. Being Successful in
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is determined by where a
person
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is born or how they were raised.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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geographical location strongly has an impact on the
sucess
Correct your spelling
success

If you don’t want sucess to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of a
person
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a
person
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 born in
an
Change the article
a

The article an may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word European.

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 European or foreign country compared to an African has more learning resources that
improves
Change the verb form
improve

The singular verb improves does not appear to agree with the plural subject more learning resources. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 their chances of being
success
Replace the word
successful

The word success doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Secondly. Consider adding a comma.

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 a
person
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who grew up in a wealthy family is predetermined to have a successful
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 than someone who grew up in a poor family.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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wealthy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families

It seems that family may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 capable of sending their ward to a high recognised schools and providing everything
neccessary toensure
Correct your spelling
necessary to ensure

The words neccessary toensure seem to be misspelled. Consider replacing them.

their success,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the poor will not be able to provide even basic education for his or her
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children

It seems that child may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Some believe these factors have no effect on personal success. Place of birth or one's upbringing those not typically suggest that an individual will be successful in
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a
person
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 born into a wealthy family may not take
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
serious
Change the word
seriously

Serious seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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 since he or she believes the
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents

It seems that parent may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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have
Change the verb form
has

The verb have does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 the money so learning or making it in
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 isn't that important,
whiles
Replace the word
while

The word whiles doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 a
person
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 born into a poor family will do his or her best to
successed
Correct your spelling
succeed

If you don’t want successed to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

in
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in order to help or rewrite the destiny of their families. I strongly believe
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma between the verb and object in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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 it doesnt matter where a
person
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is born or how he or
sge
Correct your spelling
she

If you don’t want sge to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

grew up ,as long as a
person
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is determined and
focus
Wrong verb form
focused

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb focus. Consider changing it.

show examples
 in
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 they can be successful. Despite what other people say concerning the upbringing and geographical location one finds themselves.

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grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy and spelling. There are several noticeable errors, such as 'triumphant' instead of 'triumph,' 'dispute' instead of 'disputes,' and 'toensure' instead of 'to ensure.' These detract from the overall quality of the writing.
ideas development
Ensure that all main ideas are fully developed and supported with clear, relevant examples. Some points in your essay need further elaboration to thoroughly convey their significance.
structure
Try to improve the logical structure of your paragraphs. Some parts of the essay feel a bit disjointed and could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas.
introduction conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your essay well.
support
You provide examples to support your points, which is good. This helps make your argument more compelling.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides your own opinion, making it a comprehensive response to the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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