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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

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It is extremely common for young
people
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 to undergo peer pressure that can affect their
behaviors
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behaviours
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. The major issue is that in most cases, the
influence
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 is negative and
for
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this
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 reason, I personally believe that the drawbacks exceed the advantages. On the one hand, we are analysing a type of
influence
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 that can increase juvenile delinquency.
In particular
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, one of the major issues that have been affecting big cities in recent years is the problem of baby gangs, which are groups of very young
people
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 who commit crimes and in which their peers are forced to act in the same way if they want to continue to be part of the group.
Furthermore
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, apart from committing crimes, peer pressure can be the cause to start bad habits
such
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 as smoking, drinking and doing drugs. Indeed, many teenagers would not have started smoking or drinking if it were not for the
influence
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 of their friends.
On the other hand
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, it is absolutely important for young
people
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 to build friendships because
this
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 is the moment in which they learn how to interact with others,
in particular
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 in
such
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 a delicate moment of their lives. It can increase a sense of belonging and it can encourage taking up sports or other school activities.
To conclude
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, I believe that peer pressure can be the cause of the uprising trend of juvenile delinquency and it does increase bad behaviours among teenagers.
For
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this
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 reason, even if it is extremely important for teenagers to be supported by other
people
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 of their age, we can consider a foregone conclusion that the
influence
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 in most cases leads to bad
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
.

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task achievement
Consider introducing a counterargument to strengthen the analysis. This would show a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical connections between points to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are supported with specific examples, making the argument stronger.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • behavior
  • age group
  • peer pressure
  • distinct
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • motivate
  • excel
  • positive behaviors
  • substance abuse
  • bullying
  • risky activities
  • belonging
  • acceptance
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • low self-esteem
  • conform
  • individuality
  • personal growth
  • decision-making skills
  • situations
  • resist
  • healthy balance
  • personal development
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