Some people say that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sports facilities. Which do you agree with? Discuss both options and give examples.
There are various ways to improve public
health
. Somebody
believe that increasing physical activity equipment is a crucial way Correct your spelling
Some
while
others argue that this
has little effect and other things should be involved. In this
essay, both views will be discussed.
As physical activities have a great influence in
mental and physical Change preposition
on
health
public have
started seeking different ways to improve their physical activities. So if there are some sports facilities in the park near Correct subject-verb agreement
has
house
, it encourages you to do some Correct pronoun usage
your house
exercises
. Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
Moreover
, the high prices of these devices may prevent somebody from buying them or going to the gym. To encourage exercise, this
is very important to have gym
or Correct article usage
a gym
sport
facilities near the home. For Fix the agreement mistake
sports
an
Correct article usage
apply
example
if there are swimming pool, volleyball ground or gym near my apartment, Add a comma
example,
then
I can join this
clubs and boost my Correct determiner usage
these
health
level.
On the other hand
, somebody
think there are many other items that can be effective. They believe that Correct your spelling
some
although
doing exercises can be helpful but
it is not enough Remove the conjunction
apply
also
it can’t prevent people from smoking or eating junk foods. Therefore
, we need efficient laws for these harmful behaviors
. Change the spelling
behaviours
Furthermore
, many people fight with stress that cause
mental problems and doing exercises are useless. The government should decrease the stressful problems in Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
the
society. Another example is Correct article usage
apply
about
some Change preposition
apply
illness
like diabetes that need Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
special
diet.
In conclusion, Add an article
a special
while
public
Correct article usage
the public
believe
that there are many things to do Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
for improving
public Change preposition
to improve
health
some people think the best way is enlarging
the number of sports facilities.Change the verb form
to enlarge
in
my opinion, both ideas can be helpful for social Capitalize word
In
health
.Submitted by bahman.faezi on
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task achievement
Ensure more specific examples are provided to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments and give credibility to your essay.
task achievement
Improve lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition of words such as 'somebody' and 'important'. This will make your writing more engaging and sophisticated.
coherence cohesion
Work on coherence between sentences and paragraphs by using a variety of linking words and phrases. This will help the essay flow more smoothly.
task achievement
The essay presents both views effectively and addresses the task prompt comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with each paragraph dedicated to a separate viewpoint.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?