IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sports facilities. Which do you agree with? Discuss both options and give examples

#people #health #sports #facilities #options
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Some people believe that great public
health
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 depends on sports facilities
while
Linking Words
 others in favour of it are not sufficient and need some measures too. Both perspectives have valid points. On the one hand, if is requested public
health
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 has improvements we need to do some additional work in different parts of the cities
for example
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 increasing the number of sports facilities or providing special sidewalks for individuals walking and running and cycling roads for cycling etc. Organizing different events with
health
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 improvement subjects has great effects too.
On the other hand
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, these actions alone wouldn’t be enough and require some provision from the relevant organizations videlicet people regularly visited by doctors has helped to improve public
health
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 and increase awareness of illnesses or infections. If it has become people’s normal after a
while
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 we would be a healthier society and our children learn to care about their
health
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 and
therefore
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 become responsible people but in my opinion, some other operations are
also
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 the responsibility of governments including a clean climate and environment. In conclusion, both sides of the argument have validity.
However
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, I believe that the benefits of measuring from the government are so impressive and these have a huge effect on improving public
health
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Submitted by bahman.faezi on

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introduction
To strengthen the introduction, clearly state your thesis and outline the points you will discuss. This will set a solid foundation for your essay.
supporting details
Develop the points in each paragraph with more specific details and examples. For instance, mention initiatives by particular cities or countries to expand sports facilities and their results.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using more linking words and transitional phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "Furthermore," "In addition," "On the other hand").
conclusion
Conclude your essay by summarizing the main points discussed and reiterating your stance clearly.
content
You presented a balanced view by discussing both perspectives.
conclusion
Your conclusion addresses the question and provides a final opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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