Some people say that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are also required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some people believe that
a
great public Remove the article
apply
health
depends on sports facilities while
others in favor
of it Change the spelling
favour
is
not sufficient and Change the verb form
are
needs
some measures too. Both perspectives have valid points.
On Change the verb form
need
one
hand, if is requested public Correct article usage
the one
health
has improvements we need to do some additional work in deferents
Correct your spelling
different
part
of the Fix the agreement mistake
parts
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
for example
increase
the number of sports facilities or Wrong verb form
increasing
provide
special sidewalks for individuals walking and running and cycling roads for cycling Wrong verb form
providing
and
etc. Organizing Correct word choice
apply
deferent
events with Correct your spelling
different
health
improvement subjects have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
a
great effects too.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, this
actions Correct determiner usage
these
lonely
wouldn’t be enough and Correct your spelling
alone
required
some provision from the relevant organizations videlicet Wrong verb form
require
peoples
regularly visited by doctors has helped to improve public Fix the agreement mistake
people
health
and increase awareness of illnesses or infections. If it has become people’s normally
after a Change the word
normal
while
we would be a healthier society and our children learn to care about their health
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
therefore
become responsible Correct word choice
and therefore
persons
but in my Replace the word
people
opinion
some other operations are Add a comma
opinion,
also
the responsibility of governments including clean
climate and environment.
In conclusion, both sides of the argument have validity. Correct article usage
a clean
However
, I believe that the benefits of measuring from government
are so impressive and these have a huge effect Add an article
the government
to improve
public Change preposition
on improving
health
Submitted by bahman.faezi on
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task achievement
The essay introduces both views but doesn't delve deeply into each perspective. Aim to provide a more in-depth discussion supported with specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure could be improved. The transitions between ideas are not very smooth, which sometimes makes it hard to follow the argument. Use linking words and phrases to create clear connections between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
More concrete and relevant examples could strengthen the argument. For instance, mentioning specific countries or studies that have benefited from increased sports facilities or other measures would make the essay more convincing.
task achievement
The essay shows an understanding of both perspectives regarding public health and sports facilities.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay well. The writer states their own opinion in the conclusion, providing a complete response to the prompt.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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