IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that media coverage ò celebrities is having a negative effect on children. to what extent do you angree or disagree with thí opinion

#people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children #angree #thí
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In a developed society, the media has had a significant impact, especially with the increased
accessibillity
Correct your spelling
accessibility
 of
celebrities
Use synonyms
. And many
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
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 that the excessive exposure of
celebrities
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 to young
people
Use synonyms
 can be a source of influence and has become a significant
celebate
Correct your spelling
celebrate
. In my
oopinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
partly
Correct pronoun usage
I partly
show examples
angree
Correct your spelling
agree
angry
 that celebrity media can be harmful to
children
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. On the one hand,
children
Use synonyms
 can be affected
negative
Change the adjective
negatively
show examples
 when being
exposured
Correct your spelling
exposed
exposure
 too much
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 news about
celebrities
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. It is because of the fact that coverage of famous
people
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 is always plentiful and available on the internet so
children
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 can easily encounter
when
Correct pronoun usage
them when
show examples
 turning on
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
 or
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
. Dangerously, these news are mostly scandals,
rumors
Change the spelling
rumours
show examples
 and
sentational
Correct your spelling
sensational
 news.
According to
Linking Words
 scientific research, young
children
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 are not fully developed cognitively and mentally so they tend to imitate what they see. In former times
people
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 are famous for their achievements and contributions to society.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays the famous can be disseminated on social a consequence,
children
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 can be confused between fame and notoriety.
Children
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 are easily accessible
anf
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and
 imitate deviant
speechs
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speech
speeches
 and
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 when
such
Linking Words
 content is
widepread
Correct your spelling
widespread
 on social media.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
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also
Linking Words
 can be influenced positively by
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 on the network about
celebrities
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. Fame can
be convey
Change the verb form
convey
show examples
 positive messages. If there are many
people
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famoud
Correct your spelling
famous
 by scandals, there can
also
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 use their diligence and
avility
Correct your spelling
ability
avidity
 to
famous
Add a missing verb
be famous
show examples
 and use that famous to spread
positiveness
Replace the word
positivity
show examples
. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
partically
Correct your spelling
particularly
partially
angree
Correct your spelling
agree
 that
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the celebrities
show examples
celebrities
Change the noun form
celebrity
show examples
 insurance of well-known
people
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 affects youngsters negatively. I do believe there are both negative and positive sides that information about famous
people
Use synonyms
 can bring to users on social platforms.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

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task achievement
Try to clearly state your position in the introduction and ensure it is consistently supported throughout your essay.
task achievement
Work on developing ideas more fully with specific examples and explanations that directly support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are well-developed, with clear topic sentences and logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to paragraph transitions to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your response.
coherence cohesion
The points presented are relevant to the topic and show an understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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