People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?
In
contemporary
era, Add an article
the contemporary
citizen
have dreamed of living in Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
a
impeccable civilization, but Change the article
an
then
most of the time fail
Replace the word
failure
in making
Change preposition
to make
this
happen has become a broad issue to the general public. For me
Add a comma
me,
this
problem can be solved the following essay will clarify
On the one hand, people
should recognize that they need to care about environmental issues is important
point to consider that based on some statistics, in a country more than 60,000 Add an article
an important
human
die from air pollution each year. Fix the agreement mistake
humans
This
mean
that every Change the verb form
means
inhabitants
has the responsibility and awareness to preserve and protect the environment and air. Change to a singular noun
inhabitant
Bedside
that, the government has a responsibility to support and introduce laws on environmental protection. Correct your spelling
Besides
Additional
, the administration properly Change the word
Additionally
introduce
environmental protection measures
In order to achieve a perfect Wrong verb form
introduced
society
, actions should be taken by each person. First of all, people
should accept having such
a society
and difficulties
of achieving it. To reach it, they should increase their tolerance and prioritize the benefits of Correct article usage
the difficulties
the
others over their own. Correct article usage
apply
This
may be one of the major difficulties that has never allowed a perfect society
to make. If the rich provide facilities not only for the basic needs of the poor but also
for their higher level
needs, the foundation of an ideal Add a hyphen
higher-level
society
will be established. In addition
, tolerating opposite opinions in order to freedom
of expression is another thing Add a missing verb
have freedom
people
should to
do. Many Change the verb form
apply
people
exhibit a strong emotional reaction when hear an opposite beliefs
. Patience and tolerance are Correct the article-noun agreement
opposite beliefs
an opposite belief
requirement
to make Change the noun form
requirements
such
a society
.
In conclusion, although
throughout history a perfect society
has never made
because of the lack of an agreement that what it looks like, I think it can be established by implementing justice in each area Add a missing verb
been made
such
economy and people
should increase their tolerance and accept fair shares of national resources.Submitted by quynhtranhbh on
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grammar vocabulary
Work on improving your grammar and punctuation, as there are several errors that affect the clarity of your essay. For example, 'a impeccable civilization' should be 'an impeccable civilization', and 'this mean' should be 'this means'.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully. Some points are mentioned briefly without sufficient explanation or examples. For instance, when you discuss the need for environmental protection, you could provide more details about specific measures that could be taken.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs. The transition between discussing environmental issues and personal responsibilities is abrupt. Make sure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay nicely.
task achievement
Your essay touches on important aspects of creating an ideal society, such as environmental care and tolerance, which are relevant and significant points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.