IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You live in a small city. City administration is planning to allocate funds for two possible projects Your City is funding ONE of the given projects: Option A: Option A: Bike Lanes: Planning to build new separate lanes for bikers Option B: Option B: Renovate gym: Planning to add a swimming pool and spa centre in an existing gym

#city #administration #funds #two #projects #option #bike #lanes #bikers #b #gym #pool #spa #centre
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In my opinion, a separate lane for bikers should be given priority over renovating a gym. My rationale is,
a
Correct word choice
that a
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surge in fuel prices has inclined a large group of the middle-class population towards E-bikes.
Hence
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, you will see more and more two-wheelers on roads, and as per the recent report, it's going to increase
further
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 in future considering the affordability of bikes these days.
Additionally
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, a biker's specific lane will
also
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 strengthen the safety of riders, which not only avoids accidents but
also
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 encourages people to buy bikes which is an Eco-friendly option and
also
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 avoids traffic.
Besides
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, you will find multiple private options for a swimming pool or a relaxation centre in the city, which
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 can access at their own expense.
Furthermore
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,
cosidering
Correct your spelling
considering
 the extremely cold climate conditions of Canada, people would hardly use the swimming pool except in summer.
Finally
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, I would hope that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the City department gives priority to two-wheeler lanes as it is the need of time, which will not only provide better safety but
also
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 encourage people to purchase bikes, which reduces traffic and pollution in the city
Submitted by hassan05.quadri on

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task achievement
Your essay offers a clear opinion and effectively discusses the reasons for supporting the bike lanes project over the gym renovation. However, it could be improved by adding a more structured introduction that briefly mentions both options before stating your preference.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, while the essay flows logically, it could benefit from smoother transitions between points. For example, using phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'In conclusion' can guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, providing reasons for the preference for bike lanes with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and adequately frame your argument, making it easy for the reader to understand your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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