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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below give information on the ages of people when they got married in one particular country in 1996 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and repairing the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the ages of people when they got married in one particular country in 1996 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and repairing the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #ages #people #country #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates how many people got married in various
age
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groups
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 (16-19, 20-24, 25-29, 30-34, 35-39, and 40-44
years
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 old)
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one country for the
period
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 of twelve
years
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 from 1996 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 most of the females got married between 25 and 29
years
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 old,
while
Linking Words
 the
age
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 level of
males
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 who preferred to get married increased over the
period
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, there were around 12% of women ranging from 25 to 29
years
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 old chose to get married in 1996 and 2008, making it the highest rate of married women compared to other
age
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groups
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 during the
period
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. Followed by females aged between 30-34
years
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 old, 20-24
years
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 old, 35-39
years
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 old, 40-44
years
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 old, and the youngest, 16-19
years
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 old. Interestingly, the pattern of proportion between females remained the same for the twelve-year
period
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
males
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 aged between 25
until
Correct word choice
and
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 29
years
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 old
as well as
Linking Words
 aged from 30 to 34
years
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 old shared the same proportion at around 9% in 1996, making both
age
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groups
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 the two highest number of
marriage
Fix the agreement mistake
marriages
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 than
males
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 in the other ages. Twelve
years
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 later,
however
Linking Words
, most of the
males
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 tended to get married once they reached 35 to 39
years
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 old and between 30 and 34
years
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 old, by approximately 11.5% each. Meanwhile, the proportion of the remaining
age
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groups
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 for men
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 no more than 8% in twelve
years
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.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, years, period, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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