IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that to protect local cultures, tourism should be banned in some areas, while others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #cultures #tourism #areas #change
It is argued that putting restrictions on exploration is irrelevant and change
of
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in
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 mankind is not possible. A school of thought holds perceptions that travelling should be banned to preserve local culture in some vicinities. The
essey
Correct your spelling
essay
 will elaborate on both points of view and the writer's opinion.
To begin
 with, about 28% of a county's income received
are
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is
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 generated from tourists which promotes income and employment for development. Money received by the government through tourists could be allocated to different sectors
such
 as
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the constructions
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constructions
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construction
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 of roads, transport, health and education and improve
quality
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the quality
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 livelihood of the people in the nation. In
add
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addition
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,
explorer's
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explorers
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 and local culture
promotes
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promote
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 unity and lift the face of the society. The
nations
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nation's
nations'
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reputations
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reputation
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 can be lifted through local cultures which individuals from different countries travel to visit that particular nation thereby strengthening peace, unity and harmony.
In contrast
, banning
off
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apply
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local cultures and tourism will not be
Correct article usage
an ideals
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ideals
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ideal
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 solutions,
instead
 firm law enforcement could be maintained and
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the culprit
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culprit
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culprits
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 punished either by fines or prison to maintain law and order. Again, security services
such
 as police should be deployed to the various
vicinity
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vicinitys
 and assigned to regular checkups, security cameras can be installed at every corner to capture individuals who
abides
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abide
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 by the rules and regulations governing the area and necessarily punishment or judgment could be passed for
offense
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offence
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 committed.
To conclude
, local cultures and
explorer's
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explorers
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promotes
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promote
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 unity and peace among nations and
serves
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serve
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 as a source of income for development.
Instead
 of banning, maintaining law, providing security and adequate punishment should be enforced
Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on

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task response
Your introduction provides a clear thesis statement, but improving your grammar will enhance clarity. Also, ensure that terminology is consistently accurately used.
coherence and cohesion
Improving transition phrases and connectors would enhance the essay's overall flow and cohesion. For example, connecting ideas with words like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' or 'in addition' would add to the fluidity.
task response
Providing more specific examples will help strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing. For instance, mentioning actual cases where tourism has positively or negatively impacted local cultures would be beneficial.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and provides a clear stance on the issue, which is great for coherence.
task response
You have explained both perspectives and provided your opinion clearly, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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