IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the government should help the unemployed on a weekly basis. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion.

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With the advancement of technology,no doubt,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 work productivity
Add a missing verb
has increases
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increases
Replace the word
increased
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 but it
also
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employment because of technical gadgets,which are working in place of human labour.I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion and
also
Linking Words
 include my opinion in
conclusion
Correct article usage
the conclusion
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. To start with,providing weekly wages to
people
Use synonyms
 results in
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
 among
people
Use synonyms
 and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them lazy beings.Take
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 example of New Zealand,where
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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paying
Wrong verb form
pays
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 weekly wages to Maori
people
Use synonyms
,the native inhabitants of New Zealand,
due to
Linking Words
 weekly payment,the
people
Use synonyms
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
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 even try to find a job
as well as
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 indulge in bad
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
such
Linking Words
 as
start
Verb problem
apply
show examples
consuming drugs.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their
will power
Correct your spelling
willpower
show examples
 and their thinking
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
 about themselves that they are not able to perform well
at
Change preposition
in
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workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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 and have no capability.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,it
also
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 of the country and other
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
get
Verb problem
apply
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affected.To cite an example,the countries where there is a
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
show examples
 ritual to provide weekly allowances to unemployed
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as in New Zealand,
also
Linking Words
 face
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
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 crisis and with
this
Linking Words
,the other working
people
Use synonyms
 pay more taxes which indirectly
feeding
Wrong verb form
feeds
show examples
 unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 through
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 help unemployed
people
Use synonyms
,
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 the other working
people
Use synonyms
 pay taxes which affects the economy of the country.
To conclude
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,no doubt,it is tough for
people
Use synonyms
 to enjoy their livelihood if they have no job but rather than providing weekly help,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should provide employment to individuals and open ways of employment so that they can have job security which helps them to live their lives
according to
Linking Words
 their will and without any dependency on others.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay contains the necessary components, but it needs more clarity in structuring paragraphs and ideas. Clearly state your position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This can help streamline your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. Use more transition words to guide the reader through your argument.
task response
While your points are relevant, they need more elaboration. For instance, the impact on self-esteem and economy could be discussed in more depth, providing more specific examples and evidence where possible.
task response
Work on sentence structure and word choice to make your ideas clearer and more concise. This will help in presenting comprehensive ideas. Avoid run-on sentences and overly complex language.
task response
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the situation in New Zealand. This helps to ground your argument in reality.
task response
Your essay stays on topic and addresses the prompt directly, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which frames the essay well. The conclusion reiterates your stance and summarises your points, providing a clear end to your argument.
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