IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Smokers have rights too, so they should be allowed to smoke in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#smokers #rights #smoke #places
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It
is argues
Change the verb form
is argued
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 that cigarette smokers
has
Change the verb form
have
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 justice to smoking in public spots
such
Linking Words
 as in gardens, parks,
restsurants
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restaurants
, and
hospital
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hospitals
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. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because it increases the harmful effects of passive
somking
Correct your spelling
smoking
 and
also
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make
Change the verb form
makes
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 smelly. The primary reason is that, if smoking
become
Wrong verb form
became
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 legalized smokers were relentlessly
smoking
Replace the word
smoke
show examples
 because those things are easy to
addicted
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addict
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, and in
cigerette
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 ingredient has Nicotine which is
can
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an
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created
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be created
create
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 certain toxic and when
people
Use synonyms
 inhale that smog, it could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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harm to
people
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's lungs
whereas
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lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to lung
cnacer
Correct your spelling
cancer
.
Therefore
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, if smoking is allowed in open places
people
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 might be suffering
under
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from
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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respiratory diseases
such
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 as asthma, and lung cancer.
Moreover
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, passive smoking can have devastating effects on pregnant women, if they breathe in that
smoke
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 it could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lead
embryonic
Change preposition
to embryonic
show examples
 malformation which is called harelips.
Hence
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, if
smoker's
Correct article usage
a smoker's
show examples
 happiness and rights
is
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are
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build
Wrong verb form
built
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 on top of the
others
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other's
others'
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 miserableness, it does not make sense to get a
right
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. The second main reason is that
,
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apply
show examples
 causing
people
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 to live in smelly environments is not a moral
things
Correct the article-noun agreement
thing
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 because cigarette
smokes
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smoke
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 is really stinky if it
have
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has
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permissions
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permission
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 to
smoking
Replace the word
smoke
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 everywhere,
non-smoker
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non-smokers
show examples
were
Verb problem
have
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 no place to go.
This
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 approach can cause social
confliction
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conflict
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 between
smoker
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smokers
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 and
non-smoker
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non-smokers
show examples
. Because the
people
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 who do not
smoke
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 will discriminated against the
people
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 who
smoke
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
public
Add an article
a public
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 area a smoker is
regardlessly
Change the word
regardless
show examples
 using
smoke
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 and besite of
it
Correct word choice
whether it
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there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is sitting an
infants
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infant
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 or
teenagers
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teenager
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,
than
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then
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 that baby can
be inhaled
Wrong verb form
inhale
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 smog and young
people
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 will imitate those bad
bahaviours
Correct your spelling
behaviours
. In conclusion, even though
people
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 have
Use synonyms
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to get
Use synonyms
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
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 but I remainly believe that
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
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that
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 things
is
Change the verb form
are
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 can cause
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
imapact
Correct your spelling
impact
impacts
 more than
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact which
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 that,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have no
justices
Fix the agreement mistake
justice
show examples
 to get a
right
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by haixiuxiaonini on

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grammar
Work on improving the clarity and grammar of your sentences. For example, 'It is argues that cigarette smokers has justice to smoking' should be 'It is argued that cigarette smokers have the right to smoke.'
coherence
Try to enhance the logical flow and cohesion of your paragraphs. Use linking words like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' 'therefore,' and 'however' to connect your ideas more seamlessly.
examples
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more persuasive and relevant.
task response
Your essay addresses both the health risks of passive smoking and the effect of smoke on the environment, which shows a good level of task comprehension.
balanced argument
You have presented arguments on both sides (smokers' rights vs. health implications), which adds depth to your essay.
conclusion
Your conclusion clearly reflects your stance and summarizes the main points you've discussed.
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