IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Smokers have rights too, so they should be allowed to smoke in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#smokers #rights #smoke #places
It
is argues
Change the verb form
is argued
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 that cigarette smokers
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 justice to smoking in public spots
such
 as in gardens, parks,
restsurants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
, and
hospital
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hospitals
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. I totally disagree with
this
 idea because it increases the harmful effects of passive
somking
Correct your spelling
smoking
 and
also
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 smelly. The primary reason is that, if smoking
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 legalized smokers were relentlessly
smoking
Replace the word
smoke
show examples
 because those things are easy to
addicted
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addict
show examples
, and in
cigerette
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 ingredient has Nicotine which is
can
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
created
Change the verb form
be created
create
show examples
 certain toxic and when
people
 inhale that smog, it could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
harm to
people
's lungs
whereas
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to lung
cnacer
Correct your spelling
cancer
.
Therefore
, if smoking is allowed in open places
people
 might be suffering
under
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
respiratory diseases
such
 as asthma, and lung cancer.
Moreover
, passive smoking can have devastating effects on pregnant women, if they breathe in that
smoke
 it could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lead
embryonic
Change preposition
to embryonic
show examples
 malformation which is called harelips.
Hence
, if
smoker's
Correct article usage
a smoker's
show examples
 happiness and rights
is
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are
show examples
build
Wrong verb form
built
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 on top of the
others
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other's
others'
show examples
 miserableness, it does not make sense to get a
right
. The second main reason is that
,
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apply
show examples
 causing
people
 to live in smelly environments is not a moral
things
Correct the article-noun agreement
thing
show examples
 because cigarette
smokes
Fix the agreement mistake
smoke
show examples
 is really stinky if it
have
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has
show examples
permissions
Fix the agreement mistake
permission
show examples
 to
smoking
Replace the word
smoke
show examples
 everywhere,
non-smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
non-smokers
show examples
were
Verb problem
have
show examples
 no place to go.
This
 approach can cause social
confliction
Replace the word
conflict
show examples
 between
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
show examples
 and
non-smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
non-smokers
show examples
. Because the
people
 who do not
smoke
 will discriminated against the
people
 who
smoke
.
For example
, in
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
 area a smoker is
regardlessly
Change the word
regardless
show examples
 using
smoke
 and besite of
it
Correct word choice
whether it
show examples
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is sitting an
infants
Fix the agreement mistake
infant
show examples
 or
teenagers
Fix the agreement mistake
teenager
show examples
,
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 that baby can
be inhaled
Wrong verb form
inhale
show examples
 smog and young
people
 will imitate those bad
bahaviours
Correct your spelling
behaviours
. In conclusion, even though
people
 have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to get
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 but I remainly believe that
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 things
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 can cause
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
imapact
Correct your spelling
impact
impacts
 more than
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact which
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 that,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have no
justices
Fix the agreement mistake
justice
show examples
 to get a
right
.
Submitted by haixiuxiaonini on

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grammar
Work on improving the clarity and grammar of your sentences. For example, 'It is argues that cigarette smokers has justice to smoking' should be 'It is argued that cigarette smokers have the right to smoke.'
coherence
Try to enhance the logical flow and cohesion of your paragraphs. Use linking words like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' 'therefore,' and 'however' to connect your ideas more seamlessly.
examples
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more persuasive and relevant.
task response
Your essay addresses both the health risks of passive smoking and the effect of smoke on the environment, which shows a good level of task comprehension.
balanced argument
You have presented arguments on both sides (smokers' rights vs. health implications), which adds depth to your essay.
conclusion
Your conclusion clearly reflects your stance and summarizes the main points you've discussed.
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