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Band 5

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments dive more financial support to local films industries?

#people #films #be #governments #dive #support #industries
The subject
about
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of
show examples
 the tendency toward watching foreign
movies
 has always remained
as
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apply
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a hot topic as a lot of individuals abroad prefer to watch
instead
 of indoor ones.
This
 essay will give you the reasons and some recommendations
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 it could be solved.
To begin
 with, people have always been curious about other nations, their culture and language pushing them to find some sources to gain some data and what could be better than films in
this
 case. Not only can the
movies
 picture the country’s advantages impressively but
also
 introduce their rich and superior customs and even natures in order to impress other lands and foreigners.
Additionally
, there may be some people who might be in deed learning that
nations
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
 language. In
this
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 films which
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 a lot of daily conversations can really be profitable for them. From another perspective,
this
 preference can bring some demerits for their own countries. Not attending to watch local
movies
 will definitely result in a decrease in commercial rates which may lead to greater problems for the producer and director and
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a large scale for the nation.
Tough in
Correct word choice
In
show examples
 order to solve
this
 problem, governors must allocate more budget to
this
 industry and facilitate these occasions for the producers in order to encourage their own citizens to support their film industry by watching their local channels. In a nutshell,
although
 watching some international
movies
 may help you boost your language skills and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 you familiar with other
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
, an improved and good local channel may change
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 tendency toward itself
Submitted by bahman.faezi on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear argument and flows smoothly. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas logically.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing and detailed.
coherence cohesion
Work on using more varied and sophisticated language, as well as checking for small grammatical errors to improve clarity and cohesiveness.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively, covering both reasons for the preference and the potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and appropriately frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides relevant points for both parts of the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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