Some people believe that it is important to spend time developing a successful career. Others argue that it is more important to spend time with friends and family than at work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some
people
argue that spend
Wrong verb form
spending
time
developing skills is a path to successful
Add an article
a successful
career
, while
others believe that it is more important to spend time
with friends
and family than at work
. In this
essay
I will try to discuss both views.
For many Add a comma
essay,
people
Add a comma
people,
career
success is very
important aspect in their Add an article
a very
live
. They spend a lot of Replace the word
lives
time
at work
, secrifice
free Correct your spelling
sacrifice
time
to develop skills,
and improve knowledge. Remove the comma
apply
Additionaly
is Correct your spelling
Additionally
very
common situation when ambitions are more important Add an article
a very
then
family or Correct your spelling
than
friends
, spending time
at work
is main
goal in Change the article
the main
live
, so they decide to choose Replace the word
life
this
livestyle
over Correct your spelling
lifestyle
realtionship
and Correct your spelling
relationship
relationships
friends
.
When people
spend a lot of time
at work
often can achieve good
Correct article usage
a good
career
and high
salary for their Correct article usage
a high
secrifice
, so in some way they are satisfied.
Correct your spelling
sacrifice
On the other hand
, for many people
time
with family and friends
is more important than success in job
, Add an article
the job
a job
this
kind of people
prefer calm
and slow Correct article usage
a calm
livestyle
over Correct your spelling
lifestyle
career
. Correct article usage
a career
This
approach very often is correlate
with lower salary and position. Wrong verb form
correlates
People
believe that social live
gives them Replace the word
life
happines
and Correct your spelling
happiness
time
with family and friends
is more important then
money and Replace the word
than
career
.
In my Correct article usage
a career
opinion
both points of view can give Add a comma
opinion,
as
some good Change preposition
apply
advices
, but I believe the best solution is Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
connect
Fix the infinitive
to connect
this
two Correct determiner usage
these
approach
. Change the form of the verb
approaches
People
should spend some time
to develop
their skills and Change the verb form
developing
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
satisfied
Replace the word
satisfactory
career
and after some years of hard Fix the agreement mistake
careers
work
, focus on their family and friends
. Furthermore
, this
type of lifestyle connect
Correct subject-verb agreement
connects
benefits
of both Correct article usage
the benefits
approach
so from my point of view is the best solution.Change the form of the verb
approaches
Submitted by dariusz.slusar on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas could be improved. Try using more linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion. For example, phrases like ‘on the contrary’, ‘nevertheless’, or ‘therefore’ can help to connect your points better.
task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided your opinion, which is good. However, your ideas and arguments could be more fully developed. Try expanding on your points and providing more specific examples to illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces your opinion. Make sure your introduction and conclusion are well-defined to frame your discussion clearly.
task achievement
You have done well to discuss both sides of the argument and to state your opinion. This is a key part of task achievement, and you’ve handled it well.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured with separate paragraphs for each viewpoint and a section for your opinion, which aids in clarity.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.