Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Undoubtedly, more and more
children
are addicted to smartphones and spend most of their time playing on them. The following paragraphs will discuss the case along with
the pros and cons coming up from this
situation.
The main reason is because of the function of the smartphone which nowadays has developed and transformed not only for communication but also
for entertainment and education. Moreover
, the features offered are varied and have different benefits for children
, like playing games
, reading comics, watching movies, or listening to music. Few of them probably also
use phones for studying since subject materials are spreading on the internet and mostly are downloadable. Therefore
, the usefulness of this
smartphone will not make children
bored.
Anyhow this
addiction brings both positive and negative sides to children
. The positivity will come from the ability of children
to update with technology. It is unquestioned that Technology nearly takes over all activities. As an illustration, traditional games
were so popular years ago, but now children
tend to play interactive games
on smartphones. They choose to sharpen their creativity to play online games
which are not easy and need skills. Furthermore
, the negativity is definitely from children
’s health, like their eyes will dry, not to mention
they will be less active and lazy.
In conclusion, I do believe that smartphone now has a thousand uses, therefore
the functions that give both positivity and negativity to children
. Therefore
, to control their addiction, children
must be able to manage their time wisely to play on it.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task by addressing both questions: the reasons children spend hours on smartphones and the evaluation of this development as positive or negative. However, more specific examples to support your points would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your main ideas are generally clear and comprehensive. Still, some points could be elaborated on to provide more depth and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, but some sentences and points could be more clearly connected to enhance coherence. Consider using more linking phrases and clear topic sentences to make your argument flow better.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic, and your conclusion provides a clear summary and recommendation, which fulfills the requirement for both to be present.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively supported your main points with explanations. The points about how smartphones serve educational purposes and provide entertainment were well explained.
Your opinion
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