Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

It goes without saying that nowadays

phones

are widely used by many people, including children, frequently on a daily basis.

This

condition might be the result of information and technology advancement.

This

essay will put forward the reasons why

this

trend

show

Change the verb form

shows

show examples

utterly negative impacts.

To begin

with, the frequent use of mobile

phones

is a result of appealing services and designs.

This

acts as dopamine to its users, and the kids are susceptible to it like how they are addicted to sugar or sweets.

Whereas

, the applications served to the user seem very entertaining

such

as mobile games.

Thus

, the enjoyment they’ve got makes them become more and more persistent in playing

phones

Furthermore

due to

the addiction, the kids may experience various health issues.

For instance

, neck strain problem is commonly faced by phone users especially the young generation which may lead them to bad body posture. Another example is when they use

phones

without good rest and bad lighting, their eyesight will get damaged. So far, they no longer go outside to exercise or even breathe fresh air. They will get fragile day by day and overweight.

In addition

, since the children spend more on

phones

. They unconsciously isolate their lives from social interactions. Their interpersonal skills are at risk.

Consequently

, they will struggle to communicate or to get engaged in others' conversations in the future. In conclusion, the constant utility of

phones

has overwhelmingly negative influences on our young generation. Even if there were possible benefits, they would be apparently outweighed by the drawbacks.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Mon Jul 01 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has clear and distinct supporting sentences that directly relate to the main ideas. Aim for more organized progression of thought.

Task Achievement

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support points. Examples enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your arguments.

Task Response

The essay provides a clear response to the task with a logically structured introduction and conclusion.

Task Achievement

It acknowledges both the reasons why children spend hours on their smartphones and explains the negative impacts of this trend.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

smoking is a habit that claims many lives and is a great drain on health services.one way to combat smoking would be to make it illegal. what are the pros and cons of such a government policy ? what alternative strategies can you suggest to combat smoking ?