Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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It goes without saying that nowadays

phones

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are widely used by many people, including children, frequently on a daily basis.

This

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condition might be the result of information and technology advancement.

This

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essay will put forward the reasons why

this

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trend

show

Change the verb form

shows

show examples

utterly negative impacts.

To begin

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with, the frequent use of mobile

phones

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is a result of appealing services and designs.

This

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acts as dopamine to its users, and the kids are susceptible to it like how they are addicted to sugar or sweets.

Whereas

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, the applications served to the user seem very entertaining

such

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as mobile games.

Thus

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, the enjoyment they’ve got makes them become more and more persistent in playing

phones

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Furthermore

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due to

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the addiction, the kids may experience various health issues.

For instance

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, neck strain problem is commonly faced by phone users especially the young generation which may lead them to bad body posture. Another example is when they use

phones

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without good rest and bad lighting, their eyesight will get damaged. So far, they no longer go outside to exercise or even breathe fresh air. They will get fragile day by day and overweight.

In addition

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, since the children spend more on

phones

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. They unconsciously isolate their lives from social interactions. Their interpersonal skills are at risk.

Consequently

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, they will struggle to communicate or to get engaged in others' conversations in the future. In conclusion, the constant utility of

phones

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has overwhelmingly negative influences on our young generation. Even if there were possible benefits, they would be apparently outweighed by the drawbacks.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Mon Jul 01 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has clear and distinct supporting sentences that directly relate to the main ideas. Aim for more organized progression of thought.

Task Achievement

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support points. Examples enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your arguments.

Task Response

The essay provides a clear response to the task with a logically structured introduction and conclusion.

Task Achievement

It acknowledges both the reasons why children spend hours on their smartphones and explains the negative impacts of this trend.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

258 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many feel that the common educational system of teachers and students in a classroom will be replaced by the year 2050

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well-managed. what are the advantages and disadvantaged of tourism in the modern world?

some people think that the individuals are responsible for their own health but other argue it is the government's responsibility. discuss both views and give an opinion

A friend who is living overseas should visit you soon and would love to stay at your place. Write a letter and explain - Why cannot he/she stay at your place this time? - Suggest an alternative arrangement. - Invite him/her to stay in the future.

Some hold the view that ideas and information should be completely open, and there should be no controls on what people can read and watch in the media Do you agree with this view, or do you think that in some circumstances government should limit the freedom of the media.