IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write a letter to the parents. In your letter Explain why you would like the job Give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ Say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

#parents #job #person #time #australia
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Hi mum and dad, It has
a
Correct article usage
apply
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been a
while
Linking Words
Correct word choice
since i
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 wrote a letter to you since I graduated from university. I miss both of you so much, how the progress on
Correct article usage
the refrushied
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refrushied
Correct your spelling
refreshed
 garage, I heard Dad wants to reinvent it into a workshop. hope it going well. The reason I writing to you is I have decided to become a pilot as my career. As you know, I have been attracted to
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
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 since I was a juvenile.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 have studied aerodynamic engineering
in
Change preposition
at
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 University and actively joined an aeroplane enthusiast club that provides flight simulation workshops every week. I should be capable of applying for the jobs.
Besides
Linking Words
, I have been on vacation with Joe and others. We have to travel to various
on
Change preposition
apply
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benches to play surfing. It is challenging but enjoyable when you achieve a complex move that others can not imagine. Best Wishes Man
Submitted by andy1031227 on

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coherence cohesion
Organize your letter into clear paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea.
task achievement
Proofread your letter for grammatical errors and ensure proper capitalization, especially for words like 'I' and 'Dad'.
task achievement
Include more details and structure your response to cover all points more completely. For instance, explicitly mention the benefits you would bring to the potential employer as well as how you would spend your free time in Australia.
task achievement
You have demonstrated enthusiasm for the job and touched upon relevant experience, which is very good.
suitable writing tone
The tone of the letter is affectionate and personal, which is well-suited for writing to parents.
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