Some people think that there will be a decrease in international travel in future. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

While
international
travel
is rising nowadays, some folks believe that in the future,
travel
around the globe will decrease. In my opinion, despite its merits for the environment, it would be a negative development.
To begin
with,
Economic
Correct article usage
the Economic
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situation of many countries depends on tourism. A fall in international
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
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leads to lower numbers of tourists in those countries.
In
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As
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result
Correct article usage
a result
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, it could ruin many job opportunities in
touristic
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tourist
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areas and
yields
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yield
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much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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more poor people.
Furthermore
, many local businesses experience a decline in their customers. All in all, The less
travel
to
touristic
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tourist
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cities, the worse
Correct article usage
the economy
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economy
Replace the word
economic
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situation there and it could affect the mental security of the society as well. Having said that, less international
travel
means
less
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fewer
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air trips in general. As
airplanes
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aeroplanes
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are responsible for a major amount of carbon footprint, a decline in
this
area could lead to better air quality and less noise Pollution. In spite of
this
, authorities are able to introduce new regulations in
this
area to reduce using
fuel based
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fuel-based
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Change preposition
of airplanes
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airplanes
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aeroplanes
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and
using
Wrong verb form
use
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more electric vehicles like EVs or Electric
airplanes
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aeroplanes
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in the future. From my perspective, I reckon having a better and more productive economy is much more important for our community and if
this
happened in the future it would be an adverse development. In conclusion, some people expect to see a huge decline in the number of international trips. I believe it has numerous upsides for the environment.
However
, its downsides regarding the monetary issues for the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
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outweigh its advantages.
Submitted by hosein9es1 on

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task achievement
To improve Task Achievement, consider expanding on specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, provide details on how specific countries rely on tourism or mention particular economic sectors that might be affected.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar for better coherence. For example, 'Economic situation of many countries depends on tourism' could be revised to 'The economies of many countries depend on tourism.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view and a good attempt to cover all aspects of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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