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Band 6

Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children.

#children #time #television
In recent days,
Children
 have spent a longer time watching television than before. There are some advantages and disadvantages of watching television a lot. First of all, the advantage of watching
TV
 for a long time is that
children
 can learn many new words that they do not know from the
TV
 shows which will be helpful when they study
also
 when they watch
TV
 they can understand the way that they speak and
children
 can learn many new things
such
 techniques by watching many kinds of the show and when they watch anime from the
tv
, they can talk with their friends a lot about anime so that they will be more fun and happy. Second , the disadvantage of watching
TV
 for a long time is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when kids are watching the screen for a long hour it makes their eyes and watching
TV
 for a long hour means they are watching
TV
 even though they have friends to play with and they will lose friends when they are not playing or talk with them. Watching
TV
 makes
children
 not sleep. Watching
TV
 makes
children
 not sleep, which means that it is bad for their health and it will affect their grades in school when kids watch
TV
 makes
children
's physical activity too low and they will be weaker when they are not doing sports or playing outside.
To sum up
 there are some advantages and disadvantages of watching
TV
 for long hours. In conclusion, in my opinion, watching
TV
 for long hours when they are tired is bad.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Use linking phrases and words to connect ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed. Strengthen them by providing a clearer context in the introduction and a more detailed summary in the conclusion.
task achievement
Enhance your support for main points by providing more specific examples and elaborating on how they relate to the topic. This will make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas to avoid repetition and ensure that each sentence adds new information. Try to avoid repeating the same points within the same paragraph.
task achievement
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view as required by the task.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the topic, which shows a good understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational programs
  • diverse cultures
  • entertainment options
  • language skills
  • critical thinking
  • social awareness
  • shared experience
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • inappropriate content
  • academic performance
  • attention problems
  • social skills
  • commercial influence
  • addiction
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