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Band 3.5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #people’s #health
There is a group of
people
 who think living in populated
cities
 is dangerous, which I mostly agree with even though there are beneficial sides
living
Change preposition
to living
show examples
 in a big city. Admittedly, living in big
cities
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 more opportunities, freedom and comfort. It is
due to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 fact that bigger companies locate in bigger
towns
 which results in more
people
 moving in there and resulting in
innovative
Correct article usage
an innovative
show examples
, lifeful city. Apart from that most of the airports
locate
Wrong verb form
are located
show examples
 in capitals which are most of the time bigger than other
cities
, obviously it makes
people
 travel easier.
Nevertheless
, there are arguments about smaller
towns
 being safer. First of all, less populated
cities
 mean less traffic, more space and
relaxed
Correct article usage
a relaxed
show examples
 lifestyle. Because of that
habitants
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
show examples
 of smaller
cities
 in most cases are elderly or newly married
people
 who expect
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
, which makes it safer to live in
such
cities
. On
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
top of that, small
towns
 tend to not have any big or high-quality shops
concluding
Verb problem
resulting
show examples
 in
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 robberies and crime. In conclusion, I am of
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
show examples
 that even though living in a metropolis offers
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of opportunities, small
towns
 offer more safety. If we put it mathematically, the bigger the city is the
unsafe
Correct quantifier usage
more unsafe
show examples
 it is.
However
, if there
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 cautions regarding
to make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
metropolis
Correct article usage
the metropolis
show examples
 safer it is undeniable that it is better.
Submitted by ayshanngurbanova on

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task achievement
The essay would benefit from providing more detailed and specific examples to support the main points. For instance, mentioning specific health issues related to city living, such as air pollution or stress, would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by making sure all ideas are fully developed. The point about airports and travel could be expanded to better explain how it contributes to the benefits of city living.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to guide the reader through the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear paragraphs discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of city living.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and providing a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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