IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agreee or disagree

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children #agreee
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People think high
school
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 education should involve volunteer work in
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community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 to be a supplementary subject.
This
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 essay agrees that unpaid
community
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 service should be added to the high
school
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 education curriculum.
Firstly
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, it will give the
students
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great
Correct article usage
a great
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 experience in their
life
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;
secondly
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, they are using their
time
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 wisely and productively. Most
students
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 need a lot of extracurricular activities to gain useful experiences since they are in high
school
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 for their future personal
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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. From
this
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 volunteer work,
students
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 can gain many experiences that
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 their soft skills which
beneficial
Add a missing verb
are beneficial
show examples
 for themselves. It will benefit the
community
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 and at the same
time
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 benefit them as well.
For example
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,
community
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 service can improve their public speaking skill because it must
be involved
Wrong verb form
involve
show examples
 a lot of people they don’t know yet,
hence
Linking Words
students
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 can learn how to communicate with them properly. In
this
Linking Words
 stage of
students
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’
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, they tend to
use
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 their
time
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 wastefully and
doesn’t
Correct pronoun usage
this doesn’t
show examples
 give them any benefit to their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others.
This
Linking Words
 opportunity to help their
community
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 can be a good activity to
use
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 their
time
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 wisely and productively.
That is
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 to say, they can
use
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 their
time
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 to help others and improve their
community
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.
For instance
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,
students
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 can do productive and useful initiatives in their
community
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 rather than enjoying themselves by doing a lot of entertainment or even illegal activities. In conclusion, high
school
Use synonyms
 institutions should involve unpaid
community
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 service as their curriculum because it will give
students
Use synonyms
 precious experiences and push them to
use
Use synonyms
 their
time
Use synonyms
 wisely and productively.
Submitted by kelly on

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general
Your introduction clearly states your agreement with the topic and introduces your main points effectively. However, you could make your thesis statement a bit stronger by slightly expanding it.
grammar
Make sure to watch for minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement. For example: 'students need a lot of extracurricular activities' should be 'students need many extracurricular activities,' and 'experiences that improving their soft skills' should be 'experiences that improve their soft skills.'
specific
Consider adding more specific examples for each main point, particularly in the second body paragraph. This would strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
cohesion
Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are generally good, but you could add more linking words and phrases to improve the flow further.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that make it easy to follow your argument.
task
You effectively present two main arguments and support them with relevant explanations.
language
Your language is generally clear and comprehensible, and your use of vocabulary is appropriate for the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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