some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agreee or disagree
#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children #agreee
People think high
school
education should involve volunteer work in community
to be a supplementary subject. Add an article
the community
This
essay agrees that unpaid community
service should be added to the high school
education curriculum. Firstly
, it will give the students
great
experience in their Correct article usage
a great
life
; secondly
, they are using their time
wisely and productively.
Most students
need a lot of extracurricular activities to gain useful experiences since they are in high school
for their future personal life
and Fix the agreement mistake
lives
career
. From Fix the agreement mistake
careers
this
volunteer work, students
can gain many experiences that improving
their soft skills which Wrong verb form
improve
beneficial
for themselves. It will benefit the Add a missing verb
are beneficial
community
and at the same time
benefit them as well. For example
, community
service can improve their public speaking skill because it must be involved
a lot of people they don’t know yet, Wrong verb form
involve
hence
students
can learn how to communicate with them properly.
In this
stage of students
’ life
, they tend to Fix the agreement mistake
lives
use
their time
wastefully and doesn’t
give them any benefit to their Correct pronoun usage
this doesn’t
life
and Fix the agreement mistake
lives
the
others. Correct article usage
apply
This
opportunity to help their community
can be a good activity to use
their time
wisely and productively. That is
to say, they can use
their time
to help others and improve their community
. For instance
, students
can do productive and useful initiatives in their community
rather than enjoying themselves by doing a lot of entertainment or even illegal activities.
In conclusion, high school
institutions should involve unpaid community
service as their curriculum because it will give students
precious experiences and push them to use
their time
wisely and productively.Submitted by kelly on
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general
Your introduction clearly states your agreement with the topic and introduces your main points effectively. However, you could make your thesis statement a bit stronger by slightly expanding it.
grammar
Make sure to watch for minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement. For example: 'students need a lot of extracurricular activities' should be 'students need many extracurricular activities,' and 'experiences that improving their soft skills' should be 'experiences that improve their soft skills.'
specific
Consider adding more specific examples for each main point, particularly in the second body paragraph. This would strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
cohesion
Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are generally good, but you could add more linking words and phrases to improve the flow further.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that make it easy to follow your argument.
task
You effectively present two main arguments and support them with relevant explanations.
language
Your language is generally clear and comprehensible, and your use of vocabulary is appropriate for the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?