IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people say that students who achieve the highest scores in their exams should be rewarded. Others say that those who show progress should be rewarded instead. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is often argued that young learners should be
awarded
Verb problem
rewarded
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 for better performances in their academic curriculum.
However
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, others believe that there should be
prizes
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 for
students
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 who show improvement. In my opinion, I believe that the latter view is more significant than the former.
To begin
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 with, achieving higher grades in academic studies should be awarded with
prizes
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 to
students
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 who perform well.
This
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 is because they are the most clever and hard-working
students
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 who achieve
this
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 milestone by going to sleepless nights and days. Not only do these
prizes
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 and awards tribute to them but
also
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instill
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instil
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 in them a desire to work even better in future
endeavors
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endeavours
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.
As a result
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,
this
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 benefits the country's economy.
Additionally
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,
students
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 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better academic
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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,
for instance
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, are
also
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 given the opportunity to graduate from top colleges and universities, which will boost their morale and desire to work harder in the coming days ahead.
On the other hand
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, others, myself included, believe that minority
students
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 who show potential improvement should not be neglected. A key point to notice is that these learners try their best to improve their academic curricula and should be given credit for their hard work. Since individual brains differ from human to human when learning, school authorities must give them utmost attention, and they should not be looked upon as inferior in a group of elite achievers.
For example
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, they will not have any opportunity for progress and will be
labeled
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labelled
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 as cut-off
students
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 if teachers do not care about them or their lack
of
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apply
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enthusiasm
in
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for
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 studying.
To conclude
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,
although
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 institutions provide
prizes
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 and trophies to
students
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 who show excellent grades, I believe that
students
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 with less privilege
also
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 need faculty attention if they divert attention from higher achievers.

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task achievement
You provided a clear response to the task, addressing both views and giving your own opinion. However, adding more specific examples or evidence could strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention specific types of rewards or specific ways progress can be recognized, which can make your points more concrete.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, try to improve the logical flow between your ideas. For example, include transition phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' or 'Consequently' between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader more smoothly through your arguments.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the essay's topic and gives an opinion, setting the stage for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reiterates your opinion, providing a cohesive end to the essay.
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