The diagram shows how chocolate is produced

The diagram shows how chocolate is produced
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The given diagram illustrates the process of making chocolate. In brief, there are ten steps in the process, beginning with riping red pods from cacao trees and ending with the production of liquid chocolate. In the initial step, red pods were ripped from the cacao trees, which are normally grown in South America, Africa and Indonesia. The pods harvested are
then
Linking Words
broken down to take out the white cocoa
beans
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.
Next,
Linking Words
these
beans
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are fermented in a basin on top of banana leaves for a few days. They are
spreaded
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spread
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out with a thinner layer directly under the sun to dry. Once adequately dried, the cocoa
beans
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are put in large bags and delivered to the factory by either trains or lorries. After arriving at the factory, the
beans
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are roasted at 350
degree
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degrees
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celsius
Capitalize word
Celsius
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. The
beans
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resulting from
this
Linking Words
step are put into a machine where the outer shell is separated and dumped,
while
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the
beans
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themselves are crushed.
Finally
Linking Words
, these inner parts of
beans
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are moved to a press machine to squeeze, which turns
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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into liquid chocolate ready to be used as an ingredient in various products.
Submitted by nguyenthihongduc109 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words beans with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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