IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The past most working people had a only one job I when I would is more and more people are having more than one's up at the same time what is the reason for this development or other advantages and disadvantage of having multiple choice

#people #job #time #reason #development #choice
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The pattern of employment has changed dramatically compared to its past,
where
Correct word choice
when
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 used to be employed only in one
job
,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 people are holding multiple
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
presently which can be
due to
 development in technology, have helped citizens to become economically stable
in
Change preposition
apply
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contrary it can ruin personal life and depression as
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
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 is exposed to multiple commitment.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
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 the development of technology has provided employees to be engaged in multiple
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
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 at
same
Add an article
the same
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 time which can be positive because it provides economic stability in today's expensive world making
two company
Add a hyphen
two-company
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 employment possible at the same time where they are not needed to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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physically present in the office in which their
dyuty
Correct your spelling
duty
 is to reply the mail and prepare the model necessary for the team
towarfs
Correct your spelling
towards
full
fillment
Correct your spelling
filament
 of the project.
In
contrast
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contrast,
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being involve
Change the verb form
being involved
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 in multiple
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
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 can be economically Worthy but can have
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 on physical and mental health in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term, as they are exposed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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stress both physical and
mentally
Change the word
mental
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, for
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
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 involved in multiple
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
 can't have
family
Correct article usage
a family
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 life
aa
Correct your spelling
as
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 they are involved in
dyuty
Correct your spelling
duty
 most of the time can ruin family and personal life and
also
Add an article
the
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mental health of the employees, which is very difficult to get it back.
Submitted by piratijaiswal1992 on

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task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that your thesis statement addresses both aspects of the task: the reasons behind the trend and the advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Develop your main points more fully with relevant examples and explanations. For instance, mention specific technological advancements that allow people to work multiple jobs, such as telecommuting or gig economy platforms.
coherence cohesion
Your essay will benefit from a clearer logical structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that logically follows the one before it, leading to a coherent overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to make the essay flow more smoothly. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on the conclusion to ensure it effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay and gives a sense of closure.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a general understanding of how employment patterns have changed, which is a good start.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the reasons for the trend and its potential effects, which is crucial for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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