IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A lot of places on the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweighs its drawback?

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It has been said that tourists are the principal source of economy in different countries around the world.
Nonetheless
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, it is argued that the wrong intentions
,
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apply
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 might hazard the stability of the province.
While
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 both sides will be discussed in the following essay, I strongly believe that travellers can indeed impulse growth highlighting the benefits.
However
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,
this
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 may not be taken for granted, as other aspects
such
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 as security might be important to consider. On the one hand, it is well-known that travelling encourages people to invest in the visited city.
Furthermore
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, it is well said that the experience is worth the price.
However
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,
this
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 just might be a small part of the population because the rest cannot afford it.
For example
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,
while
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 locals have a steady price on goods, tourists usually get to pay more for the same.
In addition
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, by considering you outlander, automatically your card will be charged at least 5% more. As
this
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 may sound unfair, it
also
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 will be how tourism maintains part of its economy flowing.
On the other hand
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, some of the visitors may realise the fluctuation in the prices of goods.
While
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 part of them will accept it with ease, the other might respond out of their nerves;
therefore
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,
this
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 could lead to property damage. Another example of
this
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 is when people with low money resources want to travel to an expensive city with inappropriate planning, it may end with them sleeping outdoors causing damage in public areas,
Moreover
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, it is important to highlight that these cases are the minority.
To sum up
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, it is more likely to rely on tourism if immigration helps out to assure that those who are visiting, can afford their staying.
However
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, the benefits of travel always are going to outweigh its drawbacks.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay addresses the main points of the task, but the organization can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next one.
task achievement
There are some grammar and vocabulary errors that may cause confusion. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of idiomatic expressions.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and add depth to your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and informative.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clearer distinction between advantages and disadvantages in your body paragraphs. This will add clarity to your essay and make it easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the context and presents your viewpoint effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism, showing a balanced perspective.
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