IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Opinions are divided as to whether the governments need to develop economics by improving the
infrastructure
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 of living in their countries,
while
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 others
argues
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argue
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 it can lose the important parts of societies. Despite the fact that there are benefits
of
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to
show examples
 improving the standard of living, I believe that kind of arrangement is usually more effective.
Firstly
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, investing in
infrastructure
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 significantly boosts economic growth. Improved transportation, communication networks, and public facilities make a country more attractive to investors and businesses.
For instance
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, Singapore’s commitment to modern
infrastructure
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 has turned it into one of the world's leading financial hubs.
This
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 demonstrates that well-developed
infrastructure
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 can directly contribute to economic success.
Secondly
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, improving living standards leads to a more productive and healthier workforce. When citizens have access to better healthcare, education, and housing, they can contribute more effectively to the economy. Sweden,
for example
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, has a strong social
infrastructure
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, which has resulted in high levels of life satisfaction and economic stability.
However
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, some believe that excessive focus on
infrastructure
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 could undermine cultural and social values. Rapid urbanization, as seen in China, has led to the decline of traditional lifestyles.
Nonetheless
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, I would argue that modernization and cultural preservation can coexist through proper planning and policies. Another concern is that
infrastructure
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 projects may widen the gap between rich and poor. Wealthier individuals often benefit more from economic growth,
while
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 disadvantaged groups may continue to struggle.
However
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, governments can address
this
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 issue by ensuring inclusive policies and equitable distribution of resources. In conclusion,
while
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 economic development through
infrastructure
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 may pose some challenges, I believe its benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. Governments should focus on improving living standards, as
this
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 leads to long-term prosperity and a higher quality of life for all citizens.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. Instead of saying 'I believe that kind of arrangement is usually more effective', elaborate on how it is effective compared to other options.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. For instance, while you did a good job in providing examples, linking them explicitly back to your main argument could enhance clarity.
task achievement
While you provided good examples, consider adding more specific statistics or details that would strengthen your argument about the benefits of economic development and standards of living.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with well-organized paragraphs, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as Singapore and Sweden, effectively enhances your arguments and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • quality of life
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • traditional cultural values
  • social bonds
  • material wealth
  • consumerism
  • social inequality
  • environmental conservation
  • wealth gap
  • vulnerable groups
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