In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
It is now evident based on the studies done globally that these days the shootings have dramatically multiplied in a few nations.I advocate the belief of increased shootings because of the process eased by some countries to buy and obtain firearm licenses.
This
essay will discuss the reasons in detail
Firstly
, the government of some nations made it easier for individuals to get gun licenses very easily which results in the presence of firearms in every house. Sometimes folk shoot each other to burst out their anger because of some heated arguments between them. For instance
, a study by Oxford Law University reveals that there has been a drastic increase in spouse killing which occurred due to
some mere arguments between them and instead
of resolving such
issues patiently they find shooting to be the best way out.
Secondly
, another vital reason is the rapid destruction of the forests and the building of houses there by the authorities of a few nations in order to accommodate the housing needs of the growing population. Because of this
, the wild animals didn't find a place to live and eat. Thus
, sometimes they come into cities and enter into the houses. This
makes the public scared or apprehensive of these wild animals and for their self-security concern, they find killing the animals a better approach instead
of using any alternate workaround to move them away. To illustrate, the Wildlife Association of Australia proved that there has been a 20% growth in animal shooting in the last
year by the locals living near the newly developed societies near forests.
To Conclude
, I assert that firearm shootings have increased significantly and the authorities should step forward and make some stringent rules for people to obtain gun licenses by evaluating their needs and a background check. In addition
to this
, the government should run some knowledge sessions to spread awareness among people about when to use firearms and their negative impacts when used violently.Submitted by joshi65201 on
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Coherence
While the essay is well-structured and provides relevant examples, there's a need for better paragraphing and clearer topic sentences to enhance readability. Breaking down lengthy paragraphs could also help.
Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that transitions between them are smooth. This will make your essay flow more logically and cohesively.
Task Achievement
Some examples and points are relevant but could be more specific or expanded upon. Consider adding more detailed examples or analysis to fully support your arguments.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, with a logical structure that encompasses main points and relevant examples.
Examples
You have cited studies and examples from reputable sources, which strengthen your argument and make your points more persuasive.
Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt thoroughly and provides a comprehensive response to the question, discussing multiple aspects of the issue.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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