IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first month after the birth of their baby. Does advantage outweigh disadvantages?

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Maternity is a well-known concept in which the preponderant role of all
mothers
Use synonyms
 is recognized as vital in the development of newborns.
Then
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, some would argue that it must be mandatory to establish a specific
pospartum
Correct your spelling
postpartum
 period of
time
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 to allow
bodies
Use synonyms
'
mothers
Use synonyms
Fix the infinitive
to recovery
show examples
recovery
Replace the word
recover
show examples
 their physiological homeostasis. I staunchly believe that all
mothers
Use synonyms
 have their own
time
Use synonyms
, after giving birth, should have their own
time
Use synonyms
 not only for their health but
also
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 for the babies' growth. In
this
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 essay, I will explain my reasons in detail. To start with, physicians and scientists have proved that females'
bodies
Use synonyms
 have their own features and hormonal attributes that are in a strict balance in order to create and maintain a proper environment to nurture their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
.
Thus
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,
bodies
Use synonyms
 are exposed to a myriad of changes,
such
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 as an increasing weight, painful breasts, changing moods, variations in all systems mainly cardiovascular,
pulmonar
Correct your spelling
pulmonary
, and the brain, etc.
Finally
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, human
bodies
Use synonyms
 reach their basal condition after approximately 40 days after having a newborn.
Therefore
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, most governments have proposed
mothers
Use synonyms
 should focus on their recovery for at least one month,
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
 some countries even more
time
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, in Sweden, both parents have a temporary licence for approximately 6 months. The
aferomentioned
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
polices
Correct your spelling
policies
show examples
 have been set by governments and
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
show examples
 in the public health field who have shown that the upsides of allowing parents to share with their children outweigh the stumbling blocks not only to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 their quality of life but
also
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 to
establish
Wrong verb form
establishing
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
stonger
Correct your spelling
stronger
 relationship with their
descedents
Correct your spelling
decedents
descendants
.
For instance
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, research done by sociologists and psychologists proved that newborns
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 share most of their
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 have less risk
to develop
Change preposition
of developing
show examples
 mental illnesses in the long run.
This
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 measure has dropped the incidence of postpartum depression by almost 30% in the United States.
Additionally
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, the importance of
breast feeding
Correct your spelling
breastfeeding
show examples
 must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be taken into account to guarantee the nutrients that have been to supply in all children.
To sum up
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,
mothers
Use synonyms
'
bodies
Use synonyms
 suffer from multiple changes along their
pregnant
Replace the word
pregnancy
show examples
 conditions that are required to
guanrantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 adequate conditions in the environment where the fetus is growing up.
Therefore
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, humankind
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to be aware that
mothers
Use synonyms
 have to be allowed to recover their basal biological functions in order to return to their workday activities.

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task achievement
While your task response effectively addresses the topic, try to incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity. For example, instances like 'physicians and scientists have proved' could be more clear as 'physicians and scientists have proven.'
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's opinion, which is a strong start.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical structure with clear paragraphs and transitions, contributing to overall readability.
supported main points
You have provided well-rounded arguments supported by research and data, such as the example of Sweden's policies and the drop in postpartum depression in the United States.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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