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Band 5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #choices
Owing to current popular political ideology and technological advancement, nowadays we have more options
in contrast
 with the past.
However
, I disagree with
this
 is too much as
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 day, option availability is not universal and often
influences
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
those in higher
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 of power. Admittedly, modern development has opened up more
choices
 for individuals. Currently, we are able to choose who will be the ruler of the country as part of the modern political ideology.
Additionally
, more jobs and academic paths are constantly being introduced due the technological advancements. In the past, our job options were limited to office work or manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
. Nowadays, we have more
choices
 as technology
open
Wrong verb form
opens
show examples
 unforeseen opportunities
such
 as becoming an online content creator.
On the other hand
, sometimes the
choices
 that we face are just an illusion made by the
people
 with interest and choice is only for the privileged. Ideally, the democratic ideology which is widely used in most countries
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 us to vote for the country's leader.
However
, it is well known that the candidates are in reality selected by and
submits
Correct subject-verb agreement
submit
show examples
 to the same powerful parties.
Although
 it is not always bad,
this
 practice represents that most
people
 do not actually have
choices
.
Furthermore
,
people
 with better
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 often the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their own
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
. In terms of continuing education or selecting a career path, individuals from low-income families are restricted
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the low-risk paths.
For instance
, well-financed individuals can work in
an entertainment industries
Correct the article-noun agreement
entertainment industries
an entertainment industry
show examples
 with
unstable
Add an article
an unstable
show examples
 income as opposed to the poor
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can only select stable jobs with high acceptance
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
such
 as
blue collar
Add a hyphen
blue-collar
show examples
 jobs. To summarize,
although
 at present
people
 have more
choices
, it has never been too much. The
choices
 that most
people
 have are very dependent on their background. Opening more
choices
 to
people
, particularly for the underprivileged, still needs to be addressed
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 both the government and the
people
.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Try to link sentences more smoothly to improve the overall flow.
task achievement
Back up your points with more specific and varied examples. This will make your argument more compelling and grounded.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your arguments and give the essay structure.
task achievement
You have addressed the task adequately by presenting arguments on both sides of the issue before reaching a conclusion.
task achievement
You provide some relevant points to argue your stance, particularly about the illusion of choice and economic background constraints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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