Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Owing to current popular political ideology and technological advancement, nowadays we have more options
in contrast
with the past. However
, I disagree with this
is too much as until
Change preposition
to
this
day, option availability is not universal and often influences
by Wrong verb form
influenced
the
those in higher Correct article usage
apply
position
of power.
Admittedly, modern development has opened up more Fix the agreement mistake
positions
choices
for individuals. Currently, we are able to choose who will be the ruler of the country as part of the modern political ideology. Additionally
, more jobs and academic paths are constantly being introduced due the technological advancements. In the past, our job options were limited to office work or manual labor
. Nowadays, we have more Change the spelling
labour
choices
as technology open
unforeseen opportunities Wrong verb form
opens
such
as becoming an online content creator.
On the other hand
, sometimes the choices
that we face are just an illusion made by the people
with interest and choice is only for the privileged. Ideally, the democratic ideology which is widely used in most countries allow
us to vote for the country's leader. Change the verb form
allows
However
, it is well known that the candidates are in reality selected by and submits
to the same powerful parties. Correct subject-verb agreement
submit
Although
it is not always bad, this
practice represents that most people
do not actually have choices
.
Furthermore
, people
with better economy
Replace the word
economic
background
often the only Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
one
who can Correct pronoun usage
ones
fulfill
their own Change the spelling
fulfil
choice
. In terms of continuing education or selecting a career path, individuals from low-income families are restricted Fix the agreement mistake
choices
with
the low-risk paths. Change preposition
to
For instance
, well-financed individuals can work in an entertainment industries
with Correct the article-noun agreement
entertainment industries
an entertainment industry
unstable
income as opposed to the poor Add an article
an unstable
that
can only select stable jobs with high acceptance Correct pronoun usage
who
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
such
as blue collar
jobs.
To summarize, Add a hyphen
blue-collar
although
at present people
have more choices
, it has never been too much. The choices
that most people
have are very dependent on their background. Opening more choices
to people
, particularly for the underprivileged, still needs to be addressed for
both the government and the Change preposition
by
people
.Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Try to link sentences more smoothly to improve the overall flow.
task achievement
Back up your points with more specific and varied examples. This will make your argument more compelling and grounded.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your arguments and give the essay structure.
task achievement
You have addressed the task adequately by presenting arguments on both sides of the issue before reaching a conclusion.
task achievement
You provide some relevant points to argue your stance, particularly about the illusion of choice and economic background constraints.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.